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Animals

The 24 Funniest Tweets About Dogs In 2015

"Most of being a dog owner is yelling WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR MOUTH"

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1.

"i have good news & bad news" wife: bad news 1st "the washing machine broke" wife: and the good news? "the dogs are clean AF"

2.

Me: who’s a good boy? Dog: ME ME MEMEME I AM I’M A GOOD BOY ME YES ME YES YES YES Cat: *removes one earbud* what

3.

[1st date] Maybe next time i could meet your dog [2nd date] Your dog is so cool [3rd date] Do u mind if me & your dog hung out without you

4.

THERAPIST: what's the problem? MY DOG: *looks at me* this fucker right here pretends to throw stuff ME: MY DOG: *mocking voice* go get it

5.

"God, I hope she likes me." - me preparing to meet a dog

6.

Sometimes when i feel sad&lonely i pretend i am walking an invisible dog & she is peeing on everyone & they dont know oh they dont even know

7.

Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.

8.

[DOG MAGICIAN] think of a color, any color...is it...gray? [OTHER DOG] oh my GOD

9.

*Dogs on coffee break* Dog 1: Heard a great joke. Dog 2: Oh yeah? Dog 1: Knock kn- *Dog 2 goes fuckin' nuts*

10.

"Why is a good boy?" - dog philosopher

11.

"can i see ur phone" uh ok one sec

12.

Most of being a dog owner is yelling WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR MOUTH

13.

"Can I pet your dog?" Sure, his bark's worse than his bite [dog bites three fingers off] "WHAT THE" [dog barks so hard the sun explodes]

14.

U don't even need a dog to go to the dog park. U can just go & play w/ the dogs and if someone asks which one's yours u can say "haha, yeah"

15.

911: What's your emergency ME: My dog think he slick

16.

I like big MUTTS & I cannot lie U other breeders can't deny When a dog walks in with a pretty mixed race & spots all on its face it gets PET

17.

"Hey, maybe our dogs should stop having sex for a minute" - no one in 101 Dalmatians apparently

18.

DOG VIOLINIST: if the conductor doesnt throw that stick im gonna lose my fuckin mind

19.

[First date] Her: I'm really glad you asked me out yesterday in the park Me: *looking under table* you didn't bring your dog?

20.

Sorry I wasn't listening when you were talking about your dog. I was busy looking in my phone for a picture of my superior dog.

21.

"You bought the wrong dog food, he hates this kind!" said my wife of our dog who once literally ate another dog's puke.

22.

[Dog talking to his psychiatrist] "Honestly? I don't even know who's a good boy anymore"

23.

"Can I pet your dog?" Sure *petting* "This isn't working out" I'm sorry? "Let's talk custody" He's my dog "That's for a judge to decide"

24.

*throws stick* It’s funny how dogs get fixated on pointless things *phone buzzes* OMG someone retweeted me

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