17 Hilarious Five-Star Reviews Of Fast Food Restaurants
McDonald's: "A truly exquisite Manhattan dining experience."
2. McDonald's in South Slope, Brooklyn

"Who can bite into a Joe's Shanghai soup dumpling and not recognize in the subsequent agony a little bit of the same pleasure/pain of ripping into a McDonald's apple pie? Who can deny that the crisp-exterior to succulent-interior transition of a pied de cochon shares something in common with the lowly McNugget? What better symbol can there be for the delicious mystery of any unaccountably wonderful foodstuff you inexplicably enjoy than... the McRib?" (source)
5. Popeye's in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn

"When all the cards are down, all hope lost, all self-dignity robbed barren and not a cent left to pay for one square foot of rent you, the Poseidon of Fast Food Poultry, emerge from the deep-fried depths of the hot sauce ocean atop a five dollar hydra of drumsticks and batter to rescue those who cannot rescue themselves.
Self-loathing thy name is Popeye's Chicken & Biscuits." (source)
6. Burger King in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn

"ayooo this burger king be slammin yo i go up in there order all kindsa wild shit like can i get ahhhh you one bad... shut yo mouth! and dat mufucka came out to 5.87 i paid in exact change then balled out in the penthouse like upstairs eating area you know we bout that luxury hoe we got elbow room for days up in this b**ch wassup" (source)
7. McDonald's in South Slope, Brooklyn

"The cashier took my order swiftly and even asked if I wanted a pump of flavored syrup in my coffee. Be still my beating heart! During the short wait for my food, any staff I happen to make eye contact with offered up a smile, which I swear made me think they were pumping hallucinating drugs out through the air system!
Its nice to go somewhere they you don't have to pantomime, point and wave your arms around to get what you want. That's waaay too much exercise!" (source)
8. Taco Bell in Chelsea, Manhattan

"I love this authentic Mexican Bistro. It's staffed by AUTHENTIC Mexicans, kinda like how they get actual Europeans at Busch Gardens!!!! Their Nacho Bell Grande is a must have!!!! (They implemented the"Bell" in the name!!!! Very tricky!!!!!!)
Also their is pizza available. Its made in a Hut I guess. A hut of pizza.
6 stars out of 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" (source)
11. McDonald's in Financial District, Manhattan

"I am a fan of the big mac, and this place served what will be, until my dying day, the best big mac ever consumed or concocted in the history of mankind! Any presentation of the big mac, here, and forever more after, no matter how audacious, whether Bobby Flay or Guy Fieri trying to match it on the food network, no one could remake that big mac the way I enjoyed it... no one! I mean, it's been three years since I had it, and I still think about it..." (source)
12. Taco Bell in Greenwich Village, Manhattan

"Steve, the owner of this franchise location, is the hottest piece I've ever had. He served me his hot cheesy burrito and we took turns eating each other's chaco tacos. After tossing my taco salad, he slapped me across the face with his chalupa. It was magic. Normally, I don't eat Taco Bell unless I'm out of lube, but Steve has made a fan out of me." (source)
13. White Castle in Borough Park, Brooklyn

14. McDonald's in Midtown West, Manhattan

15. Popeye's in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn

"I know a bunch of yall people saying 'this is bad for you', but I'm talking right now so don't interrupt me, because interrupting me woud be considered rude, and if you're rude to me then you should know that is also detrimental to your health, most likely more immediately. So continuing, you can eat like 4 biscuits drenched in gravy. I like to glaze them in hot sauce in a bowl and forget about them til the middle of the night while I got a Swisher Sweet hangin' off my lip and I stumble into the kitchen with my doo rag on rapping to Wu-Tang Clan after lifting weights and having oily movie sex on leopard skin sheets and just going hog wild on some young filly I met at a cookout and I'm like 'oh f*ck it's like I just went to Popeyes though.'" (source)
17. White Castle in Hell's Kitchen, Manhattan

"Oh, castle with walls of white,
Your magic brings my mouth delight.
The product of your food perfection
Gives me a taste bud erection.
I wont think about the impending shit
That cant be avoided when the burgers hit.
But they feel so good going in and going down
That theres not a better deal in town.
Divide my money by point 51
That's how many I'll take on this run
And someone tell Harold and Kumar,
That I'd travel just as far
For a bite of that two and a half inch square
The meat melts in my mouth as do my cares
Give me a sack, give me a case, or give me a crate
Get me to White Castle so my tongue can masterbate." (source)