"Yes, this is really happening. This is not a dream," the listing description reads.
This incredible dildo throne, this erotic replica of the Game of Thrones Iron Throne, could be yours if you want it badly enough. ...
It is 6 feet tall, 4 feet wide, 3 feet 6 inches deep, and sits on a base with wheels attached.
If you run a sex festival, sex club, or if you've just been feeling like there was a dildo-throne-shaped hole in your life, why not grab this unique opportunity with both hands?
While the dildo throne is marked "used," the listing assures us that it is "as good as new":
This glorious object has been taken out of its original wrapping but is AS GOOD AS NEW. I can't emphasise that enough. (It comes with the wrapping, in case you want to smuggle it somewhere unnoticed.)
The starting bid price is 650 pounds, or approximately $1030, and the auction will end on June 20.
There's even a video:
The seller of the dildo throne, Ralph Jones, won it on Twitter from Bondara, a U.K.-based adult toy retailer.
In late March I was at my desk when I noticed on Twitter that Bondara, the "adult toy retailer," was giving away one of the most extraordinary items I had ever seen: a replica of the Iron Throne featured in the dragons-and-tits spectacle that is Game of Thrones. ...
I received a phone call from Mr Joe Satari, who began our conversation by asking me whether I remembered entering a competition to win a huge throne covered in dildos. I enter so many that it was difficult to remember this particular one. After a few seconds, however, I remembered the one he was on about. He told me that I... I, Ralph Jones... had actually been lucky enough to win the massive great bastard (not his words).
Jones told BuzzFeed that he hopes a "loving, caring individual" will buy the throne, and that the dildos "should not be used for sexual pleasure":
Who I think should buy the throne: the owner of a huge house, barn, or aircraft carrier. This thing is big. It's a big fella, make no mistake about it. The owner would need to be a loving, caring individual, who was in it not for the fame but for the fun. Fame comes and goes; what really lasts is the memories we make.
If it doesn't sell I imagine I will reassess my life, look at what went wrong, and start a new life in the Caribbean. I will of course burn the throne in a huge and extravagant ceremony, in which I will wear a loin cloth but very little else.
I think people should know that the dildos should not be used for sexual pleasure. They should also know that I am overwhelmed by the attention my big throne has received since going up on eBay and that this has been a truly life-changing few weeks. They should know that, if they feel as though their lives might be in a rut, they can always become the owner of an enormous chair covered in dicks. It provides a great deal of energy; it's a transformative experience.