322 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh And Cringe
"I tried to get reservations to a library, but they were completely booked."
Before you continue reading, I want you to know that this post *might* contain a bunch of dad jokes that you've already read.
BuzzFeed has been publishing the best dad jokes for years, and everyone seems to love laughing at them! Since the feedback has been so positive, we wanted to put a bunch of them all in one place for your reading convenience.
Here are 322 jokes that you would definitely hear a dad say:
"What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Phillipe Floppe."
"Did you know that if a piano falls on you, your head will B-flat?"
Read 18 more dad jokes that people never laugh at
Walt Disney Studios
"Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry-erase board has to be the most remarkable."
"Asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up. Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out."
Read 16 more new and unique dad jokes
"Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood."
Justine Zwiebel / BuzzFeed
"Why did the illiterate witch get kicked out of the coven? She couldn't spell."
"Why did the ghost take his new girlfriend to his hometown? He wanted his boo to see his old haunts."
Read 10 more Halloween-themed dad jokes
Justine Zwiebel / BuzzFeed
"I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available.
She looked up and whispered, 'They're right behind you.'"
"My friend told me, 'Your wife and daughter look like twins!'
I said, 'Well, they were separated at birth.'"
"Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water.
I was like, well, damn."
Read 14 more dad jokes that are so stupid, you just have to laugh
"I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over."
"Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind...it's tearable."
"Mom: 'How do I look?' Dad: 'With your eyes.'"
Read 97 more classic dad jokes
"I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing. This is as close as I could get."
"Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peekaboo accident? To the ICU."
"Due to the quarantine, I’ll only be telling inside jokes."
Read 14 more dad jokes that will definitely make you roll your eyes
"What did one plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me!"
"Why do melons have big weddings? Because they cantaloupe."
"What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved."
Read 14 more corny dad jokes
"Dad putting car in reverse. Dad: 'Ahh, this takes me back.'"
"Host at a restaurant: 'Do you have reservations?' Dad: 'Yeah, but I think we’ll still eat here.'"
"'Would you like the milk in the bag?' Dad: 'No thanks, you can keep it in the carton.'"
Read 24 more dad jokes that you will hate yourself for laughing at
20th Century Fox
"It's okay if your phone autocorrects 'fuck' to 'duck.' You're still using fowl language."
"My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body. I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now."
"I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It's more difficult to deter gents, though."
Read 16 more dad jokes that you should not tell your kids
"What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty."
Zachary Gibson / Getty Images
"I read a history of sandpaper recently...The guy who invented it wasn't sure how to go about it but he had a rough idea."
Read 20 more dad jokes that are so bad they're good
Fox / @dadtellsjokes
"My wife asked me to stop singing 'Wonderwall' to her. I said maybe."
"Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear, and now it can ride a bike without training wheels."
Read 22 more dad jokes that will have you cracking up
"I bought my gym membership at Costco, and now I've got 36-pack abs."
"A lycanthrope transforms in front of his friend for the first time. 'Oh my god,' says his friend, 'you just turned into a wolf.' 'Yes,' he replies, 'I am a were.'”
"I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous; they're way too big for him."
Read 21 more dad jokes you should definitely send to your dad
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