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    322 Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh And Cringe

    "I tried to get reservations to a library, but they were completely booked."

    Before you continue reading, I want you to know that this post *might* contain a bunch of dad jokes that you've already read.

    BuzzFeed has been publishing the best dad jokes for years, and everyone seems to love laughing at them! Since the feedback has been so positive, we wanted to put a bunch of them all in one place for your reading convenience.

    LovelyHufflepuff / BuzzFeed / Via buzzfeed.com

    Here are 322 jokes that you would definitely hear a dad say:

    1. "What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Phillipe Floppe."

    2. "How did the diamond find a girlfriend? Carbon dating."

    u/carisbrookecastle

    3. "Did you know that if a piano falls on you, your head will B-flat?"

    u/Vadelmayer44

    Read 18 more dad jokes that people never laugh at here.

    Walt Disney Studios

    4. "Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry-erase board has to be the most remarkable."

    Warner Bros. Pictures

    5. "The average person is really mean."

    u/o0oo00oo0o

    6. "Asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up. Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out."

    u/Hana-Chi

    Read 16 more new and unique dad jokes here.

    DreamWorks Pictures

    7. "Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood."

    Justine Zwiebel / BuzzFeed

    8. "Why did the illiterate witch get kicked out of the coven? She couldn't spell."

    BuzzFeed

    9. "Why did the ghost take his new girlfriend to his hometown? He wanted his boo to see his old haunts."

    BuzzFeed

    Read 10 more Halloween-themed dad jokes here.

    Justine Zwiebel / BuzzFeed

    10. "I asked the librarian if books about paranoia were available. She looked up and whispered, 'They're right behind you.'"

    NBC

    11. "My friend told me, 'Your wife and daughter look like twins!' I said, 'Well, they were separated at birth.'"

    u/porichoygupto

    12. "Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water. I was like, well, damn."

    u/Branith

    Read 14 more dad jokes that are so stupid, you just have to laugh here.

    Columbia

    13. "I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over."

    NBC

    14. "Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind...it's tearable."

    BuzzFeed

    15. "Mom: 'How do I look?' Dad: 'With your eyes.'"

    BuzzFeed

    Read 97 more classic dad jokes here.

    BBC / giphy.com

    16. "I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing. This is as close as I could get."

    ABC

    17. "Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peekaboo accident? To the ICU."

    u/AlabamaMayan

    18. "Due to the quarantine, I’ll only be telling inside jokes."

    u/6fear6me6

    Read 14 more dad jokes that will definitely make you roll your eyes here.

    Warner Bros.

    19. "What did one plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me!"

    Paramount

    20. "Why do melons have big weddings? Because they cantaloupe."

    kenzier423a806d9

    21. "What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved."

    katiem4493674a4

    Read 14 more corny dad jokes here.

    NBC

    22. "Dad putting car in reverse. Dad: 'Ahh, this takes me back.'"

    NBC

    23. "Host at a restaurant: 'Do you have reservations?' Dad: 'Yeah, but I think we’ll still eat here.'"

    u/OvaltineDeathFantasy

    24. "'Would you like the milk in the bag?' Dad: 'No thanks, you can keep it in the carton.'"

    Captain-Yesh

    Read 24 more dad jokes that you will hate yourself for laughing at here.

    20th Century Fox

    25. "It's okay if your phone autocorrects 'fuck' to 'duck.' You're still using fowl language."

    26. "My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body. I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now."

    u/that_introverted_guy

    27. "I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods. It's more difficult to deter gents, though."

    u/Boomkiller

    Read 16 more dad jokes that you should not tell your kids here.

    ABC

    28. "What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty."

    Zachary Gibson / Getty Images

    29. "I don't know why Marvel hasn't tried to put advertisements on the hulk. He’s essentially a giant banner."

    reallyfunnyshortjokes.tumblr.com

    30. "I read a history of sandpaper recently...The guy who invented it wasn't sure how to go about it but he had a rough idea."

    @First_Jimothy/twitter

    Read 20 more dad jokes that are so bad they're good here.

    Fox / @dadtellsjokes

    31. "My wife asked me to stop singing 'Wonderwall' to her. I said maybe."

    32. "Accidentally played dad instead of dead when I encountered a bear, and now it can ride a bike without training wheels."

    @simoncholland/twitter

    33. "What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two..."

    @dadsaysjokes/twitter

    Read 22 more dad jokes that will have you cracking up here.

    ABC

    34. "I bought my gym membership at Costco, and now I've got 36-pack abs."

    35. "A lycanthrope transforms in front of his friend for the first time. 'Oh my god,' says his friend, 'you just turned into a wolf.' 'Yes,' he replies, 'I am a were.'”

    tangledbeast.tumblr.com

    36. "I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous; they're way too big for him."

    @tastefactory/twitter

    Read 21 more dad jokes you should definitely send to your dad here.

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