23 Things You Understand If You're From Phoenix
We do things a little bit differently here in Phoenix, AZ. Here are 23 things you will understand if you're a Phoenician.
1. Yes, it IS that hot.
It is normal to see three digits on a daily basis. Yes, 100-120 degrees F is completely normal. Yes, that's most of the year. And yes, it is the equivalent of feeling the heat when you open your oven.
2. It's normal to drive with oven mitts.
In fact, it's probably the best way to navigate your hands around any part of your car...which is hotter than the outside temperature.
3. This is our game.
Passenger: *Holds breath through tunnel*
Driver: *Probably slows down*
4. It's all in the advertising....
Lerner and Rowe is the way to go, Audio Express is the home of the $1 install, Mark Mitsubishi...Mark Mitsubishi.
5. We Only Have 2 Seasons.
May-October: Hot
November-April: Not as hot
6. "Snowbirds" are not part of the wildlife.
Snowbird/ noun /-a person, usually people, who are retired and come to the state during their winter to make our roadways a living hell.
7. "Good Parking Spots" have nothing to do with proximity to store.
Shade is where it's at.
8. EVERYTHING bites back.
Or stings. Or poisons.
Cacti, yucca, rattlesnakes, spiders, and of course, we are infamous for our scorpions.
9. We don't actually NEED ovens.
From eggs to cookies, everything cooks well if its in a car or on the pavement long enough.
10. We can be spotted anywhere we vacation
80 degrees??? = Sweater weather.
11. We tan a little differently...
Cause why would we go OUTSIDE in the summer?
12. We also shower a little differently, too....
In the rest of the world, the water that is labeled "hot" comes from the water heater, and takes a minute to warm up.
In Phoenix, it takes longer for our water heaters to heat up than it does for our naturally HOT water to come through the faucet.
NO COLD SHOWERS EVAR.
13. Our storms = Apocolyptic images
Our "monsoon" season is during summer, and produces wind gusts up to 60mph, rain, hail, flooding, and our "haboobs" (dust walls)
Edit: Photo credit goes to the late Daniel Bryant. Thank you, Mike Olbinski, for the correction!
14. THIS is BOB.
BOB= Bank One Ballpark, where the Arizona Diamondbacks (MLB) play.
Though it's now technically "Chase Field," it will always be BOB.
15. Working on Van Buren is NOT a good thing.
Even if your business is located on Van Buren....we just won't mention it.
16. Burritos are acceptable for ANY meal.
Really. Burritos all day, every day.
17. Your shoe collection looks like:
18. But your sunglass collection looks like:
And you know not to leave EITHER in the car.
19. We know how to do food.
You don't get food at a chain. The best food comes from the little places, off of the beaten path...
20. The PDA struggle is real.
Too hot.....but my foot is touching your leg....
21. We have a different use for salt.
Because when life gives you lemons, and you're not using the salt for your driveway....
22. Phoenix: If you can't stand our summers...
23. Then you don't deserve our winters.
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