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    24 Tweets You'll Laugh At Because They're Just Too Damn Real

    "My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can't carry 23 items in my arms through the store."

    1. On the cost of living:

    why is being alive so expensive. im not even having a good time

    2. On canceling plans:

    3. On self-reflection:

    confronting your own toxic behavior

    4. On social media:

    me in 5th grade: if i can go on the computer today thatd be neat me now: if im not scrolling twitter while i brush my teeth im going to die

    5. On shopping:

    My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can't carry 23 items in my arms through the store.

    6. On facades:

    Me on the outside vs me on the inside

    7. On technology:

    I hate when my Touch ID doesn’t work on my phone like c’mon you already know it’s me with a little chicken tenders grease

    8. On inherited behaviour:

    when your parent gets mad at you for characteristics/behaviors you got from them

    9. On e-mail:

    every time i reply to an e-mail, i sound like a civil war widow: "Apologies for the slow reply. 'Twas a long and t…

    10. On music:

    me: i wanna die me, after a concert: honestly? there’s so much to live for :) like what a high what a rush i can’t…

    11. On unrequited love:

    12. On criticism:

    person: *gives me constructive criticism* me: wow i didnt realize u wanted me dead

    13. On order:

    I lost my car chapstick and now my book bag chapstick is in my room and my room chapstick is in my car and my whole life’s outta wack

    14. On sarcasm:

    when someone you don't know very well says something sarcastic but it sounds rlly mean and you don't know if they l…

    15. On being sorry:

    someone: you don’t have to apologize for everything, you’re good me: oh ok......ˢᵒʳʳʸ

    16. On sleep:

    petition to start parties at 7:30 this year so i can be in bed by 10:45

    17. On revenge:

    Working on my five year plan: 1. ? 2. ? 3. ? 4. ? 5. And then they'll all be sorry.

    18. On spending:

    savings: gone account: overdrawn debt: growing job prospects: bleak me: on my way to buy £15 worth of fucken Donut…

    19. On meeting new people:

    20. On enjoyment:


    21. On food cravings:

    [minutes after eating mac & cheese] u know what would be amazing right now- and honestly it’s been a while since I’ve had it- mac & cheese

    22. On bullshit:

    them: dont bring that bullshit in here me, coming in with the bullshit:

    23. On being an adult:

    getting older is saying to yourself 'let's see if these bad boys live up to the hype!!!' about paper towels

    24. On invitations:

    I need more friends who understand that I still want to be invited but I'm not going

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