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27 Superhero Tweets Guaranteed To Make You Laugh Every Time

"What idiot named him Spider-Man instead of Peter Parkour?"

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Billionaire: I'd like to do something about crime. Butler: Being poor, I've got some great ideas-- Billionaire: I want to dress as a bat.


There are 400 billion birds in the world, 250,000 planes, and one Superman. So, in answer to your question - probably a bird.


IRON MAN: *blasts villain with beams* THOR: *swings mighty hammer and creates a storm* CAPTAIN AMERICA: America! Yeah! Hell yeah!


HULK:*smashes a tank* IRON MAN:*flies bomb into space to save mankind* HAWKEYE: I have an arrow w/ your name on it pal, hold on stand still


Guy in work is called Wayne Bruce. He's known as Manbat,probably the best nickname ever.


Spider van Spider van How do spiders drive a van? 10 on top 10 below Where would you like to go? Get in. Get in the Spider Van.


I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts "Batman" when he's drunk. I know I do.


Batman: Gotham City is under attack. Aquaman: IMMA SPLASH 'EM Batman: No, Aquaman. Just stop- Aquaman:


what if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside


Commissioner: we'll need to stay in touch Batman: ok Commissioner: this stealth communication device will- Batman: LETS USE A GIANT SKY LAMP


Hello, oh you don't have a ramp I guess, okay well lets talk in the driveway my name is Professor X and I run a school for monster babies


I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane's dog & she was like, "I've never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"


Guys, be glad that spider bit peter Parker and not a horse. I mean could you imagine, could you even imagine.


Superman: I am an all powerful alien with only one weakness. Batman: Is it bats? Please say bats.


[Batman at McDonald's] What's your chicken sandwich called? -A McChicken And the rib? -A McRib [pulls out his batwallet] I like your style.


[White House] Any ideas on how to defeat ISIS? *Biden excitedly raises hand* Besides assembling the Avengers. *Biden dejectedly lowers hand*


What idiot named him Spider-Man instead of Peter Parkour?


hey ther delilah wats it like in gotham city is the joker stil in jail-- i mean yes babe u look so prety yes u do batman is not a cool as u


Lois: "I saw Batman yesterday. He's put on a lot of weight" Clark: *lowers glasses* "More like Fat- Lois: "Oh my god it's Superman"


Spiderman, Spiderman/ Does whatever a spider can/ Attends college/ Works as a photographer/ Just like a spider


[guy in charge of naming superheroes] Superman, next Batman, next Wonder Woman, next Aquaman, next *takes a hit of acid* Green Lantern


Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.


BATMAN: I am the guardian of the night SPIDERMAN: With great power comes great responsibility CATWOMAN: Guys, help, I'm stuck in a tree


I think comic book bad guys have the right idea, aiming their weapons directly at Captain America's shield. That's probably his weak point.


Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne’s father shouldn’t have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.


[Bat symbol lights up Gotham's sky] "Gordon needs me, the city needs me." [Robin waving flashlight around] "Oh wow look they need me too."


Iron Man, Iron Man, does everything an Iron can Gets real hot on a mat, makes your clothes get really flat Look out! Here comes the Iron Man