1.
The people have spoken.
2.
why did everyone play the recorder in primary school what were they training us for
3.
The Postman writing a red slip for your package after lightly knocking the door once
4.
My old man really is top boy ain't he hahahahaha
5.
Just spotted a cat on someone's porch, miaowing to be let in. Without thinking, I walked up to the door, rang the bell, nodded to the cat and left. It was only I rounded the corner I realised what I'd done as I heard the owner shouting FUCK ME SARAH THE CAT JUST RANG THE DOORBELL
6.
Show yourself Inspector Gadget
7.
babyboomers: when will Bridget Jones find love and who will she choose in this nebulous love triangle millennials: how on earth did Bridget afford her own flat in Borough market when she works in publishing
8.
"im not gonna talk about politics tonight" me 0 pints later:
9.
do you ever get tagged in a meme and wonder if there were ever, like, medieval peasants pointing out a weird-looking turnip to another medieval peasant like “forsoothe gregorye yt ys thee after ye revelles of christmastide last”
10.
Arctic Monkeys are back.
11.
12.
Me: Winston, are you getting off at... Winston: don’t say it Me: Winston: Me: Barking Winston:
13.
tried on a bra in Primark & it was nice so I went to buy it but there was no tag so the guy went to find a supervisor to get a code, comes back & goes "this isn't ours, it's a swap" so someone has literally left THEIR OWN BRA on a hanger in order to shoplift one AND I TRIED IT ON
14.
10/10 for whoever did this full bowling green-sized cock and balls in the snow. Beautiful that it remains untouched too. A clear respect for art in Sheffield. https://t.co/aZ9icrNRyg
15.
There is a drunk woman on the tube throwing After Eights at everyone and, in the most British way possible, everyone is pretending they aren’t being hit on the head by tiny chocolatey squares (which hurts by the way) and not looking at anyone else in the eye.
16.
Who wore it better?
17.
self checkout robot lady: PLEASE TAKE UR ITEMS me, furiously throwing shopping into endless tiny, useless tote bags: do u think I am still here for the good of my health Sharon
18.
My gran and grandas big TV has broken so for now they r using a smaller one and my granda just put this on Facebook 😂 funniest people I know can just imagine them https://t.co/PTQMDE5ASJ
19.
20.
Isn’t this the guy who plays Sherlock?
21.
Ma mum found poppers in ma bag n she was like "what are these?" so a said a didn't know n she's sat there sniffing away at them going "hmm it smells like nail polish remover" steady on hen you'll get a banger eh a headache
22.
Going to a Spoons is the answer to everything. Pet just died??? Go to a Spoons. Going through a breakup??? Go to a Spoons. Bored??? Go to a Spoons. You're the disappointment in the family??? Go to a spoons
23.
It’s me everyweek
24.
Is it just my Mum that tells me all her gossip and then says ‘don’t you go putting that on social media or telling anyone that’ As if am gonna be jumping right into the group chat to bitch about my Mums mate Barbara?????