19 Secrets B&Q Staff Will Never Tell You
No, we won't paint your goddamn house for you.
1. We absolutely hate the orange aprons when we first start working there.
2. But they weirdly start to grow on you.
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You'd feel kind of naked working on the shop floor without one.
3. Even though customers still regularly ask if you work there.
"Nope, I'm just wearing a goddamn orange apron for fun."
4. We're not experts in everything.
We try, but it's hard when we stock a million-and-one items.
5. We're goddamn shop assistants, not tradesmen/women.
We're good, but were not superhuman.
6. Unsurprisingly, plumbing is especially difficult to give technical advice on.
If you have to ask a shop assistant questions about plumbing, you probably shouldn't be messing around with your home's central heating system tbh.
7. But when we say we know about something, we know about it.
8. Seriously, there's nothing worse than a customer who thinks they know everything.
Congratulations on being so damn manly.
9. If you can get the product cheaper elsewhere, go elsewhere. Don't act like we're involved in some sort of conspiracy to steal your hard-earned money.
The people working on the shop floor don't set prices, so there's no need to be a dick to us.
10. But no, our discount does not extend to friends and family.
Stop texting us out of the blue when you plan on redecorating your living room.
11. We actually learn a hell of a lot working in the store.
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You can start off not knowing anything about anything and then one day wake up somehow knowing how to tile a bathroom.
12. But still, knowing where everything is stocked is goddamn impossible.
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Even if you've worked in the same store for a long time, you'll still never know where everything is.
13. Parents: Please stop letting your kids treat the place like a toy store.
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No one wants to see your precious little child get hurt, and no one wants to see you somehow try to blame it on the store.
14. You're not the first customer to jokingly ask if we'll help paint your house.
Probably not even the first of the day.
15. Or to reference that Two Ronnies sketch.
Want to confuse the fuck out of an 18-year-old? Just randomly quote lines from a '70s sitcom sketch they've probably never seen.
16. The paint-mixing department is the most frustrating department to work in.
From the really indecisive customers to the ones trying to return paint claiming it's not the colour they selected, working on the paint section can be a total nightmare.
17. Working Sundays and getting paid time and a half is pretty damn sweet.
18. So is the 20% discount.
19. Overall, it's not a bad place to work.
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Hell, every day is different at least.