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    Posted on Jun 29, 2018

    18 Hilarious British Tweets You Might Have Missed

    "How did I start uni with a 24 piece cutlery set and I’m leaving with 1 knife, 1 fork and someone else’s spoon?"


    Woman on the train just tapped me on the arm & said ‘sorry - is that yours?’ Looked on the floor where she was pointing & it was a massive stag beetle Like does she think I littered it or that it’s my pet or what


    Every member of Biffy Clyro looks like James McAvoy in a different role.


    Battery’s on your telly remote last forever man 😂 stops working just give it a wack n it starts working again for another 3 year


    I’m at the Louvre pyramid in Paris. What an amazing building


    How did I start uni with a 24 piece cutlery set and I’m leaving with 1 knive, 1 fork and someone else’s spoon


    Theresa May curtsying reminds me of that half cat from Google Streetview for some reason.


    People who get home and don’t immediately change into comfy clothes give me the fear, how can you just be chilling in jeans for hours


    Apparently being an adult means googling phone numbers that call you rather than answering them.


    The weather has been so good that my local Bargain Booze are offering an authentic Al Fresco experience.


    reckon when Love Island is on you can drive across all of England and not see a single Fiat 500


    When you’re on Love Island at 9 and guiding young hopefuls through the Way of the Warrior at 10 #LoveIsland


    Imagine England actually won the World Cup man. We'd all be jobless. The country would descend into utter chaos. Sinking pints for 30 days straight listening to nothing but Three Lions and World In Motion. They'd have to set up hammocks in the pubs.


    Sitting in a bar in malia and we ask the guy to take a picture of us, and he was like do u want the dog in the pic, and we were like aye why not, result being


    saw £20 lying on the floor beside my foot in edinbrugh, picked it up and gave it to a guy holding a charity box....walked away all chuffed with myself only now to realise it was mine and it had fallen out my pocket 🙂🙂🙂hate maself now


    Customer ‘how do you type with them nails?’ Because bab I am a women,a strong Fucking woman who can deal with a bit of acrylic on the end of my nail. PS I also like the sound x tap Fucking tap Susan x


    someone said Theresa May curtsying reminds them of a velociraptor and, well, I couldn't stop thinking about this scene


    Fucking class having a shower at your girlfriends. Using stuff like a charcoal facial scrub and a pomegranate & mango shower milk, I’ve came out the shower smelling like a fresh fruit market on a hot summers day, feeling like a brand new woman. 13/10 would recommend.


    Mum: ‘how was ur day?’ Me: ‘yeah good Started work at 9 United mad by 11 Left school at 16 18, pulling pints in the castle But then I stopped pulling pints and started pushing myself Sure, I was born in Carlisle But I was made in the Royal Navy’ Mum: ‘have u had enough to eat’

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