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Golf Shouldn't Be An Olympic Sport And I'm Kinda Weirded-Out That It Is

It's a game your dad plays on weekends just to get out of the house.

If you've been watching the Olympics you've probably been dazzled by the spectacle, wowed by the athletic skills on display, and maybe even wept tears of joy seeing athletes achieve their dream.

Unless you've only been watching the golf.

Yes. If you didn't already know, golf is an actual event in this year's Olympics. And it's just fundamentally WEIRD.

To understand why this feels so strange we need to talk about what the Olympic Games stand for at its very core – and to do so we need to travel back to 776 BC Greece.

The Olympics started when the God-fearing Greeks decided to honour their main-man Zeus by staging a single 190m race to determine the most athletically gifted man.

Fast-forward to 1894, when Pierre de Coubertin founded the International Olympic Committee (IOC), resurrecting the Olympic Games and with it the spirit of international athletic competition.

The emphasis on athleticism was made clear with the new Olympic motto of "Citius, Altius, Fortius," which is Latin for "Faster, Higher, Stronger".

"FASTER".

"HIGHER".

"STRONGER".

So how the fuck did golf make the events list? The Gods did not play golf on the mountain of Olympus.

A game your dad plays just to get out of the house on weekends should not be an Olympic sport.

A game you can play while wearing a novelty hat should not be an Olympic sport.

And a game that has a miniature version featuring tiny windmills and kooky dinosaur statues should definitely not be an Olympic sport.

In conclusion: