1. Ever since you were a kid, you had one goal: To grow a great goddamn beard.
2. Then it dawned on you that you'd never be able to grow the beard of your dreams.
3. Not being able to grow a good one just makes you want it all the more.
4. I mean sure, you could just shave, but the problem is that you look like a newborn baby when you do.
5. Which obviously leads to people thinking you're younger than you actually are.
6. You're convinced that having a decent beard will solve all of your problems.
7. Plus shaving is just a damn hassle.
8. Maybe the problem is that a beard just won't grow.
9. And when it does, it's always in weird patches.
10. Or maybe your beard is inexplicably ginger.
11. In which case you may have even attempted to use beard dye, which just left you looking like a creepy magician.
12. Despite setback after setback, you still keep trying, saying to yourself "one more go".
13. And sometimes you're able to briefly trick yourself into thinking that you look like some kind of sexy lumberjack.
14. Until you eventually catch your reflection and remember you look like you've fallen face-first into a pile of pubes.
15. Oh, and there's always someone to bring you back down to earth by asking "Are you trying to grow a beard?"
16. You're secretly really jealous of other guys who are blessed with cool, fulfilling beards.
17. Still, you keep dreaming. Dreaming that one day the glorious beard you've always wanted will be yours. One day.
