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17 Struggles Of Only Being Able To Grow A Shitty Beard

It's a curse.

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1. Ever since you were a kid, you had one goal: To grow a great goddamn beard.

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2. Then it dawned on you that you'd never be able to grow the beard of your dreams.

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3. Not being able to grow a good one just makes you want it all the more.

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4. I mean sure, you could just shave, but the problem is that you look like a newborn baby when you do.

5. Which obviously leads to people thinking you're younger than you actually are.

I want to look like a man, goddamnit.
Sony Pictures

I want to look like a man, goddamnit.

6. You're convinced that having a decent beard will solve all of your problems.

A promotion at work, the respect of your peers, and actual happiness. All you need is a better beard.
Thinkstock / BuzzFeed

A promotion at work, the respect of your peers, and actual happiness. All you need is a better beard.

7. Plus shaving is just a damn hassle.

8. Maybe the problem is that a beard just won't grow.

9. And when it does, it's always in weird patches.

If you could take some hair from over here and move it over there, you'd have a pretty good thing going on.
Flickr: curtisjames / Creative Commons / BuzzFeed

If you could take some hair from over here and move it over there, you'd have a pretty good thing going on.

10. Or maybe your beard is inexplicably ginger.

That doesn't mean it's necessarily a shitty beard though.
HBO

That doesn't mean it's necessarily a shitty beard though.

11. In which case you may have even attempted to use beard dye, which just left you looking like a creepy magician.

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12. Despite setback after setback, you still keep trying, saying to yourself "one more go".

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13. And sometimes you're able to briefly trick yourself into thinking that you look like some kind of sexy lumberjack.

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14. Until you eventually catch your reflection and remember you look like you've fallen face-first into a pile of pubes.

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15. Oh, and there's always someone to bring you back down to earth by asking "Are you trying to grow a beard?"

"Yes, I'm trying to grow a fucking beard."
Thinkstock / BuzzFeed

"Yes, I'm trying to grow a fucking beard."

16. You're secretly really jealous of other guys who are blessed with cool, fulfilling beards.

The kind of beard that would finally make your dad proud.
Tim P. Whitby / Getty Images

The kind of beard that would finally make your dad proud.

17. Still, you keep dreaming. Dreaming that one day the glorious beard you've always wanted will be yours. One day.

Never give up on your dreams.
Thinkstock / BuzzFeed

Never give up on your dreams.