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27 Of The Funniest Things People Have Drunk-Texted

"Tequila is not my friend."

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We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share some of their greatest drunk texts with us. Here are some the best responses!


2. I received an amazing text from my best friend at 1am once reading:

"Don't me filed by the rocks they o for
I'm still in some kreny from the clock."

I think she was trying to tell me that she's still, she's still Jenny from the block.

Submitted by Shoni Robertsn-Finn, Facebook

3. I was drunk-texting my friend the night of my 21st birthday party. She asked me where my friends were and I replied with, "Tequila is not my friend."

Submitted by kiiaa

4. My ex-boyfriend and I got separated while out one night. He responded to my "Where are you?" text with: "I don't know. I live in the rubble." He had passed out in a construction area.

Submitted by Kate Ferrin, Facebook

6. "Merry furking christonchristoncs." Sent to my new boss on Christmas Eve at 2am.

Submitted by Helen Keith Stone, Facebook


7. Once sent a friend of mine a panicked text reading "RACCOONS HAVE HANDS" after a night out. I'm an animal studies graduate.

Apparently the concept of raccoons having hands overwhelms drunk me.

Submitted by Bebba Hare, Facebook

8. My friend: "Are you getting white girl wasted?"

Me: "No, I'm getting white boy wasted because FUCK THE PATRIARCHY!"

Submitted by Alex Borbolla, Facebook

10. I texted my younger sister when i was drunk once and all it said was, "I am a bad role model, I want an egg," in all caps.

Submitted by Kathryn MacFarlane, Facebook

11. Not too bad, but last year I sent a text in what I can only assume was a booty call to the guy I was talking to. It said "Drunky drunk I am," Yoda-style.

Submitted by savannahnm


12. "I really want chicken. or a hot boyfriend. but I'm not about the commitment, and I'm really craving KFC."

Submitted by abbyg436ec1d83


"Guys someone has taken Sherman my sheep."

"Right where the fuck is Sherman?"

Submitted by hollyb464ec9437

15. I once drunk-texted a friend about 400 of the snail emojis. No words, just so many snails.

Submitted by tnbennett

16. "I love you more than the seas part."

Submitted by mollyj44d3235e3


18. Once I drunk-texted someone who I liked what looked to be an attempt at a formal letter.


So embarrassing. He just responded with "Well that's an odd text".

Submitted by emilyw44795ac91

19. "I'm goign to hve a party and th eonly people who are invitrd are Lana del Rey and Amy Pholeer," sent to my friend after at least six too many shots of rum.

Submitted by GillianGan

20. I texted someone I had "relations" with while I was drunk. I tried to type "I'm sorry" but in my intoxicated state spelt "sorry" wrong. My phone autocorrected the message so it said "I'm dirty."

Submitted by YanoYourself


22. I sent a drunk text to myself about my husband that said: "He said Ariana Grande was hot and when you said something about her being super young and skinny he said 'yeah….' instead of telling you how wonderful you are. Don't forget this shit!"

Submitted by chelseajewells

23. "My hats contain science and animal violence." Still to this day do not know what I was getting at. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Submitted by blaird43433de54

24. Once texted a friend saying: "Kat has a tampon stuck in her cabins." I don't know anyone named Kat…

Submitted by Belladonna526

26. Just letters. In no particular order. My friend and I have been friends for such a long time that he actually knew what I was trying to say, and responded with a coherent answer.

Submitted by Emily Ash, Facebook

27. And finally...

I believe the convo went like this:

Me: "mulm"
Mom: "What honey?"
Me: "i thizk a pibeapple ate my dog"

Submitted by gamerelli34

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