1. You could buy this semi-detached house in Brixton…
• The exterior looks like a Blackpool B&B.
• Three bedrooms make it a perfect property for musical trios likes Busted, the Sugababes, and Destiny's Child up until Beyoncé left.
…you could spend your money on this posh house in Sheffield.
• The property is a "former manor house".
• Why is it no longer a manor house?
2. A million could get you this flat offering views of Hampstead Heath…
• From the outside, the place looks like it might be haunted.
• Ghosts don't pay council tax.
…you could splash out on somewhere offering views of your own land in Otley.
• You can shout as loud as you like and no one would hear you.
• Damn, those are some sexy shrubs.
3. You could buy this house in Leyton for a cool million…
• Six bedrooms is a lot for a London property.
• High ceilings make it perfect for posh guests wearing super tall top hats.
…for £50 less you could live within 30 minutes of both Leeds and Manchester.
• The place looks so nice that there's no need to make up any outlandish claims about it.
• I think this is Wayne Manor, so that means that Batman grew up here.
4. Would you like this flat in Camden…
• It's right next to a canal, so it's great for boat spotters.
• There's two bathrooms, giving this property an impressive 1:1 bathroom-to-bedroom ratio.
…this massive house in Keighley?
• The interior looks perfect for reenacting the plot to an Agatha Christie novel.
• Living here would be like living in Downton Abbey, but less crap because you could probably get WiFi.
5. You could buy this semi-detached house in Balham…
• You can offer visitors an authentic '70s experience by allowing them to stare at your wallpaper.
• With both a front and back garden imagine all the veg you could grow.
…or this beautiful property in Bradford.
• Let's be honest, it's in desperate need of an interior design makeover.
• Why do rich people always have rubbish TVs?
6. How would you feel about living in this West Hampstead flat…
• You get to be smug about having a balcony when most of your neighbour don't.
• It's on the first floor, so if your lift breaks down you don't have to get too exhausted.
…you could live in this Sheffield property for the same price.
• There's a fountain the driveway, just like P. Diddy has.
• Check out that shower. Looks like you could launch yourself into space in it.
7. Fancy owning this house in Tooting?
• The garden is south facing, meaning you can turn your back completely on the north.
• Tooting is a fun word to say.
…or maybe you'd prefer this compound in Barnsley.
• Looks like somewhere a mafia don would live.
• Seriously, check out those walls.
8. There's this flat in Regent's Park…
• It's in an A* location right next to Regent's Park.
• The flat is on the top floor, allowing you to feel physically closer to God.
…this castlesque building in Wakefield.
• It looks like a goddamn castle you know how many people you'd have to kill in Westeros to get a place like this?
• Again: IT LOOKS LIKE A GODDAMN CASTLE.
9. You could purchase this building in Fulham…
• Super-modern spotlights in the ceiling give you the feeling of being in a fancy club.
• The road, De Morgan road, is named after the British mathematician Augustus De Morgan. Pretty smart, aye?
…this one in Sheffield.
• The estate agent's website contains over 60+ images of this property, so it's certainly not camera shy.
• 2.5 acres of ground is enough for you to succeed from the United Kingdom and declare yourself a sovereign state.