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70 Thoughts I Had While Watching The "Feud" Premiere

Warning: this post contains SPOILERS.

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FX

1. Alright, Ryan Murphy, let’s see what you got.

2. How are celebrities going to feud without Twitter?!

3. These opening titles remind me of the Three Brothers scene from Deathly Hallows Part One.

FX

4. Judy Davis is in this?!

5. And Alfred Molina?!

6. STANLEY TUCCI?! Wow, I clearly didn't do my research.

7. Catherine Zeta-Jones? Why?

8. I need to look into Olivia de Havilland.

9. "Feuds are never about hate. Feuds are about pain." This doesn't really make sense to me, but I'm not mad about it.

10. Dominic from Dollhouse!

FX

11. Who is playing Marilyn? Show her face!

12. God, no one should be allowed to do a Marilyn impression. Ever.

13. Yessss, Judy Davis! Now I want to watch The Ref.

14. Never in a million years would I let someone aggressively rub lotion on my neck.

15. Jackie Hoffman has had a real solid career.

16. Is "Mamacita" her actual name? Of course not. That was a dumb question. 


17. Jessica Lange is clearly trying to add to that Emmy collection.

18. I had no idea Joan Crawford was the Pepsi Brand Ambassador. TEAM COKE! Where's ~that~ Feud series, Ryan? 


19. There can be only one “It Girl.” Ugh.

20. Do I need to see Mildred Pierce? TEAM ALL ABOUT EVE!

20th Century Fox

22. Joan Crawford's house is magnificent. Those drapes!

23. Alfred Molina, I almost didn't recognize you.

24. Where is Stanley Tucci?

25. Ugh, enough already with the Pepsi.

26. Do I need to see Autumn Leaves?

27. I can't even imagine what it would be like to see Bette Davis onstage.

28. There should be an Anti-Feud about how Susan and Jessica became 
BFFs on this set. They're friends, right? RIGHT?!

FX

29. Man, these women had some mouths on them. I love it. 


30. Well, now I really need to watch Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?

31. Bette's house looks like it was decorated by Richard Gilmore. 


32. Seriously, where is Stanley Tucci?

33. Poor Alfred Molina. No one wants you.

34. STANLEY TUCCI!

Kurt Iswarienko

35. The history of studio contracts is bananas.

36. "That bitch sued me.” Oh my god, we got feuds on top of feuds!

37. This show would be nothing without Stanley Tucci.

38. "Catch a Falling Star" should have been retired after Love, Actually.

39. “Television is kicking your ass.” Still true.

40. My god, Joan Crawford was terrifying. Jessica is killing it.

41. Kathy Bates! How did I not see this coming?

FX / Via pbs.twimg.com

42. If Sarah Paulson doesn't show up, I'm gonna be pissed. 


43. OH! Joan Crawford was MARRIED to the CEO of Pepsi. Missed that.

44. “I'm the one that needed a wife.” Bette is as cool as Joan is bonkers.

45. What is happening in Bette's marriage?

46. BETTE FIRED HER OWN HUSBAND. HERO!

47. I love that Bette claims to have named the Oscar. True or not, I’m choosing to 
believe it.

48. Who is the Dollhouse guy supposed to be? Joan's boy toy?

49. I'm really resisting the urge to Google everything that happens.

50. The giant font onscreen is TOO MUCH.

51. Joan is really giving that wheelchair her all.

52. Mamacita is basically Emily Blunt from Devil Wears Prada.

53. Susan Sarandon/Bette Davis is KILLING it in those pants.

54. I love that she keeps calling her "Lucille."

55. This is the cattiest thing I've ever seen. #FEUD

FX

56. "When you're good, Joan, goddamnit you're good." What game is this? 


57. "Christ, you're not gonna cry?" There it is. Get her, Bette.

58. 
Don't you dare talk about Joan Crawford behind her back. She will eat your face off.

59. Okay, I googled it and the actor from Dollhouse is Reed Diamond. I know he is in a ton of other stuff, but I'm TEAM DOLLHOUSE. He's playing someone named Peter on this show, but he's only in one episode so I guess it doesn't actually matter.

60. It’s the first shot of filming! Jessica as Joan is truly mesmerizing. TEAM GET JESSICA MORE EMMYS!

61. Miss Geist from Clueless is the costume lady!

FX

62. It's settled. I'm going as Susan Sarandon as Bette Davis as Baby Jane for Halloween. 


63. Yes, more Judy Davis! I’m definitely watching The Ref after this.

64. Judy is killing it in that feather hat. I should learn her character’s name.

65. Oh, you know, Jimmy Stewart will be over on Wednesday. NBD.

66. This dinner is so uncomfortable.

67. No dessert for you, Joan Crawford!


68. Damn. It's over?! No Sarah Paulson!? Fine.

69. Well, no question about it... TEAM BETTE!

70. Time to watch another feud...

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