1. The title comes straight from Hamlet -- and we all love Shakespeare, right guys?
2. The book is baby-sized.
3. The book is so heavy it can be used as a weapon.
4. And so thick it can be used as a shield.
5. You look really smart when you read it in public...
...and you know what handsome people everywhere say about smarts.
6. Not to mention that lugging that doorstop around will build some serious muscle.
7. You can advertise your love of the book through swimwear.
8. You'll finally have something to talk about with this guy.
9. You'll have an opinion on the Ellis v. Wallace twitter rant / one-sided fight.
10. Beautiful women also think it's a good book.
11. Michael Schur, the co-creator and showrunner of Parks & Recreation, loves Infinite Jest.
12. If you read the book, you can delight in the subtle references to the novel he hides throughout the show.
Schur also directed the music video for The Decemberists' song "Calamity Song." The video dramatizes the Eschaton scene in IJ.
Schur owns the IJ movie rights too, so watch out. Anything could happen.
13. You can nerd out and purchase E.T.A. varsity gear.
And be totally in on the joke when someone else wears it.
14. It will teach you to view tennis as a religious experience.
15. You won't really want to do drugs anymore...
16. You can take a walking tour of Boston and see all the locations mentioned in the book.
17. You can read Wallace's biography and get confused about his moral code. And read way into certain details in the book that seemed inconsequential at first blush.
18. By virtue of its length and difficulty, the book is a nostrum for your capricious, media-saturated life.
19. It will teach you to recognize (and mourn over) the solipsistic nature of your existence.
20. Which will compel you to actively try to empathize with others, which will make you a better human being.
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