1. You have the brilliant idea of doing a cleanse because new year new me!
2. Denial on day one is inevitable.
3. On day two, you will feel thin and beautiful.
4. This is also the day pure hanger will set in.
5. You'll post a picture like this so everyone knows you're cleansing.
6. And you'll spend hours orchestrating a shot like this.
7. The evening of day two goes a little like this.
8. You will begin hiding food anywhere you can to make sure no one knows you broke your cleanse.
9. You'll dress in disguise to hide the shame.
10. On day three you will try to motivate yourself with trickery.
11. Day three is also the day you will say fuck it to the cleanse that has robbed you of your sanity, soul, and if you like fish, snow crab.
13. Finally, you will reward yourself with acceptance and indulgence.
14. Cause isn't everything really just juice anyway?
15. The answer is yes.
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