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How Bad Is Your Hangover?

All aboard the Struggle Bus.

Posted on
James Grebey / Thinkstock
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    You have a pounding headache.
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    Your mouth is dry.
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    You would do horrible, horrible things for a glass of water.
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    Eveything tastes like you just ate roadkill.
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    Your insides feel like they want to be your outsides.
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    You barfed last night.
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    You also barfed this morning.
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    You've ingested more than the recommended dose of ibuprofen.
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    You're practically sweating booze.
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    You're wearing sunglasses.
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    You're never drinking again.
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    But, like, you actually mean it this time.
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    You tried to eat bacon and eggs to cure yourself.
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    You weren't able to actually eat anything because the idea of eating makes you want to barf (again).
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    You considered calling in sick to work today.
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    You did call in sick to work today.
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    You just want to go back to bed.
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    You wonder what you did to deserve this.
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    You know exactly what you did to deserve this.
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    Your breath smells like death incarnate.
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    You took a beer shit earlier.
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    You hate everyone who doesn't have a hangover.
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    You'd really appreciate it if everyone around you would kindly shut the hell up.
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    You feel like they should've invented a pill or something to stop this from happening by now. It's 2014, jeez.
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    You don't remember how many drinks you had last night.
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    You're profoundly, spiritually exhausted.
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    You can't remember the last time you felt this bad.
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    You're afraid that you'll vom if you try to burp.
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    You're struggling to have a coherent thought.
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    You wonder if you're still drunk.
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    Everything is kinda spinning.
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    You just want to curl into the fetal position and shut out the world.
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    You're crying.
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    At this point, you would welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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    You regret everything.
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