1. Wake up early. You have a lot of living to do and not much time to do it.
2. Take this dog for a walk. And let him piss wherever he wants.
3. Break this man out of prison, bring him to barber, return him to prison.
4. Let your inner child run f*cking wild.
5. Eat all you want.
7. Then eat some more. (The time for counting calories is over.)
8. Empty your bank account.
9. Burn all your bills.
10. Get yourself some transportation.
11. Or ride this camel (preferably bareback).
12. But whatever you do, avoid this camel.
13. Pet these wolves. (But you might want to save that till later in the day.)
14. Fist-bump these turtles.
15. Then have these horses fist-bump those turtles.
16. Speaking of turtles… Ask Lisa Turtle: What the hell happened?
17. You don’t always have one day left, but when you do try to meet the Most Interesting Man in the World.
18. But whatever you do, avoid meeting this guy.
19. Drink from the mystery can. (What do you have to lose?)
20. Take a ride with this guy. (But bring a friend for balance.)
21. Text Usher. Tell him he’s a douche.
22. Challenge this guy to a drinking contest.
23. Go to the dog park with these guys.
24. Spackle this.
25. Listen to a Ke$ha song. Be thankful you don’t have long to live.
26. Sing “Thank You for Being a Friend” with this person. (She probably knows all the words.)
27. Eat this. (What could it hurt now?)
28. Buy this tombstone.
29. Let Urkel know everything’s gonna be alright.
30. Wait for death.
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