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CULTURE
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These 23 Wild Work Stories Will Make You Never Want To Work Again

After reading these stories, you'll either love or hate your work office, lol.

Recently we asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share the wildest things their boss or coworkers have done. Here are some of the strange-yet-funny responses:

1. The hickey-wound:

Paramount Pictures

"It was one of my first days back at work after being out for a month from life-saving emergency surgery. An older couple kept giving me dirty looks and requested a new server. I was confused, but handed them off to another server. Then my manager comes up and asks, 'Were you attacked by a vampire bat?' Again, I was confused. He clarified, 'Go put makeup on that hickey.' Hickey? I look in the mirror. They were offended by the healing wound on my neck from surgery."

d4ea205bf0

2. The masturbator:

"My manager out of nowhere asked if I masturbate, and after I said I was not comfortable with answering, she offered to go out and buy me a dildo."

ashleyrgeske

3. The broken leg:

"One of my coworkers at my last job was a nightmare! We'll call her Sue. Our other coworker, Becky, was taking a lot of time off to take care of her very ill mother, and Sue could not handle the fact that Becky was getting more attention than her. This began a long string of events where Sue would fake some form of drama about once a month to get sympathy.

It all came to a head when Sue came into work with a very obvious limp. A few customers asked her what happened, and we learned that she had apparently tripped over a dog gate and injured her leg. That day, she left at lunch and came back with a boot she had gotten from home. That transformed into a pair of crutches, and eventually a wheelchair.

The hilarious part is that she was normally the first one in, but one day right at the beginning, one of our other coworkers beat her into the office. Sue didn't know she was there, and walked in perfectly normal. Later that day, when everyone was in the office, the pronounced limp was back."

hbninja

4. The spreadsheet:

CBC

"My previous manager kept a spreadsheet to track every single minute of my day. If my productivity was lower for a particular day, she would pull me into a meeting and present all the past spreadsheets and ask why I was not being productive during XYZ minutes. She tracked the minute I clocked into work, how long I spent in the bathroom, how long I stepped away to get a cup of coffee in the break room, and how long I talked to customers."

victoriaa43d5503fc

5. The wedding fiasco:

"My manager tried to stop me from getting a day off work. What day? My WEDDING day."

d4ea205bf0

6. The timer:

"My supervisor timed the nurses in a recovery room for every action of patient care."

garym46b69ff46

7. The FedEx package:

20th Century Fox

"During my fashion internship, my boss sent me to go pick up a package from FedEx. I walk over and tell the FedEx worker the package number. He gives me two options: 1) The package is already out for delivery and on the way to the fashion studio, or 2) My boss has to call a specific FedEx number to authorize me to pick up her package. I don’t know what to do at this point, so I get out of line so I can call the studio administrator. I notify her about the situation and she said she’d call me back. After 45 minutes of back and forth and waiting for an answer, my boss finally calls me. She then proceeds to forcefully ask why I can’t solve the problem myself and why I have to bug the studio administrator about it.

She basically hangs up and tells me to find a solution. A few minutes later, I get a text from her saying, 'Come back to the studio, the package is already out for delivery.' I go back to the studio, with no acknowledgement, no thank you, or no apology."

elizabethl4c910ed01

8. The dishwasher:

"I worked as a receptionist for a local textiles company for about seven years. They started dumping odd jobs on me and my co-receptionist, who I shared the front office with. One of my 'jobs' included loading and unloading the dishwasher in our rather large company kitchen. I would load and run it at the end of the day. It turns out people would stay late, open the dishwasher to put their coffee cups or Tupperware in, and forget to start it back up. For some reason this INFURIATED the HR person, who would go out of her way to drag me from my real job to hand wash dishes that hadn’t been washed the night before. As if that wasn’t bad enough she was badmouthing me to my coworkers by saying I was 'so dumb I couldn’t press a start button'."

kimberleyc4

9. The key holder:

"My last job had a coworker who worked more hours than me, but never actually worked! She was a key holder and kept giving me all the jobs she didn't want to do. She had never worked retail before, yet they passed me over as key holder despite working for them four years and having 10 years of experience. She also used to steal my snacks that I kept at work."

jennies4783ed5b8

10. The makeup case:

Disney

"I was told by my boss and administrator to put on more makeup because I looked sick and tired."

bridgetp47fbe49a1

11. The CEO girlfriend:

"I worked at a tissue bank (we processed bone and tissue from organ donors and sold them to hospitals) and I was in charge of shipping and inventory. There are a lot of steps to make sure everything is safe, and if you lose track of something, it’s insanely expensive. I was supposed to train my manager, who was the CEO’s girlfriend and had no idea how anything worked. When I tried to walk her through the steps, she just looked at her phone, waved me off and said, 'Just write everything down.'"

holmesnotsherlock

12. The dumb blonde:

"I worked at a jewelry store with the manager from hell. When I was learning the job and would ask him a question he felt was stupid, he'd say , 'You're just a dumb blonde, I wouldn't expect you to know that.' Another time, I asked for one weekend off in a six-month period and he said 'A weekend off in retail?! Are you smoking crack?'"

s403bddecd

13. The email fix:

Cartoon Network

"I was an intern a couple years ago, and one of my friends at work corrected someone else on our team in an email chain very nicely. This person ended up storming over to our work area and yelling at my friend, 'Don’t tell me how to do my job!' They ended up going in a conference room where the yelling continued, and she ended up grabbing my friend’s wrist really aggressively. That’s how I was part of an HR investigation as an intern."

fuegofuego8787

14. The organic tampon:

"My boss offered me organic tampons, and I told her that it's okay, I didn't need them since I have an IUD and I no longer get a period. She then started yelling at me, saying how I'm giving myself cancer and poisoning my body."

devinkanzler

15. The host evaluation:

"I used to host at a restaurant and I started a casual relationship with one of the bartenders. After each post-sex cuddle session, he would tell me all of the things I could be doing better as a host. Basically he wanted me to take on some of his own duties while minimizing my own, since his position was 'more important.'"

brielled4fa42607b

16. The sick colleague:

YouTube

"I told my boss I wasn’t feeling well, so she asked me if I was pregnant."

lianar4ede8ff53

17. The name game:

"My coworker didn’t bother to learn how to pronounce my name (roo-chee) so she gave me a bunch of different names, including: Rayjay, Raja, and my personal favorite Ratatouille."

supertaster

18. The company lick:

"At one company holiday party, a co-worker grabbed my hand and licked (full on lapped) my palm."

saral4abcbcac7

19. The darkness inside:

Nickelodeon

"I used to be a receptionist, and one day before opening, I made a comment to my friend about how I had to listen to eight voicemails that morning. The owner/doctor heard me and told me to leave, get some coffee, and think about how my negative energy effects the office. When I returned, confused and crying as no one has EVER told me I am negative, he brought me into his office and told me he could tell me bubbly personality was a mask for the darkness inside of me."

laurendaniellef

20. The opinion:

"A manager once told me that I shouldn't have opinions, only ideas. I'm a supervisor with a staff of 22, you bet your sweet ass I have opinions about what's going to impact them and the work we do."

lindsayp4bfd03a64

21. The climber:

"A coworker climbed across my desk to touch me. Granted, I had boxed myself in, trying to avoid a harmless friend hug. But still."

gamezb

22. The two-week notice:

"My first job was at a very high-end dress store, and I worked there for almost two years. I had to quit because I was going to college, and when I told the manager that I was quitting, she literally told me no. Not in a joking way like 'No we need you here, haha” but 'no' like she wasn’t accepting my two weeks. I walked out and didn’t show up for my shift the next day, and got a text from her asking where I was and how she hoped everything was okay."

katelynb40d08692a

23. And finally, the great escape:

Giphy

"I worked in a shipping warehouse for a large company and part of the job was completing daily mail runs. My coworker was out on the run one afternoon. The post office had to call the company because when he was leaving the parking lot, he backed into a parked car. Apparently panicking, he shot out of the parking lot across four lanes of traffic into a concrete construction barricade, destroying the brand-new company car. Then he got out of the car and tried to run away from the scene of the accident on foot! He ran head-first into a telephone pole and knocked himself out. Amazingly, no one else was injured and he didn't even end up getting fired for this."

k42a30bdf1

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The submissions used in this post have been edited for length and clarity.

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