22 Overheard Tweets From This Week That Made Us Laugh But Also Question Our Whole Lives

    "So basically, like, having a kid is like having a 18 year pet."


    Overheard Memphis: “Did you guys know that Pearl Harbor has a 25% on Rotten Tomatoes” “Aww, that just makes me feel bad for the people who went through it, cause that’s disrespectful!”


    "Why the fuck are you having an affair? I fuck you and suck you everyday... how could you do this... you're a piece of shit... yeah I'll make lasagna tonight... " #overheard at target, with her kids.


    I overheard a girl say to her pal yesterday, “I mean if you can get away with wearing clothes that look and feel like pyjamas outside, why wouldn’t you?” And honestly, mood


    Overheard at my 11yo son’s Harry Potter party: a boy trying to cast a spell by chanting “Ivanka Kadarvra”. (Wonder what that changes you into? 😬)


    (overheard in the Ed Dept. kitchen) Fav. Prof. #1: “Why do we have so much coffee?” Fav. Prof. #2: “Because it’s the Ed Dept.” Fav. Prof. #1: *looks in fridge* “Why do we have wine in here?” Fav. Prof. #2: “...because it’s the Ed Dept...”


    Overheard someone ordering their lunch today say, “I don’t care if there’s romaine lettuce in it, I could use a break” #mood


    Overheard: “yeah, hi Larry, I’m actually on the lavatory so can I call you back when I’ve finished the paperwork?” #paperwork


    Something I #overheard at work today: Student: Why don’t I get to go in the field trip tomorrow? Admin: Because you committed a felony yesterday... Student: Yea. ONE felony! I would have so many questions if this were my first year as a teacher... https://t.co/6xrKqGDfnM


    overheard conversation of kamryn talking to my mom: "yeah i had sleep paralysis and i couldn't move my body. and then Pitbull was just at the foot of my bed"


    overheard from the bus stop: “owls definitely don’t hoot that frequently, bro. the school system’s got you fucked up.”


    "I WAS gonna eat a granola bar, but now that I'm employed, I'm gonna eat a SANDWICH for dinner!" - overheard in the Starbucks line


    I was on FaceTime with my mom while she was shopping and I overheard another customer say “they use shaving cream instead of whipped cream!!” the locals are coming. this is not a drill.


    Overheard at the Rose Bowl Flea Market: “John Mayer personally blessed these track pants.”


    Overheard a Target: "You just have to keep it alive. So basically, like, having a kid is like having a 18 year pet." Not quite right, but sure. 🙃


    BF overheard me listening to the "Thank U, Next" video and asked "Is she saying 'bacon, eggs'?" so that is how I will be singing this song from now on, thank you.


    overheard a woman yelling, offended “i do NOT have a small face” at her friend


    Conversation I overheard at work this morning: "Hey, how are you?" "Oh, living the dream." "Whose dream?" "Everybody's but mine."


    “I’ve got my pants if I need them” - overheard in the newsroom.


    ‘I’m like the Mary Poppins of condoms’ #Overheard at the Guild


    Overheard in the office: “Well, it’s time to open up my e-mail and see who’s going to piss me off today.”


    Overheard at my 12-YO’s sleepover: “We’re not allowed to have phones in class but my friends and I still text each other on paper. 😂


    Overheard in the newsroom: "I'm struggling to define 'foreign tax credit' w/o using the words foreign, tax, or credit."