In all my years of beauty lovin', I had never realized just how raunchy some brands get with the names of their products. I'm not talking a little weird, I mean straight up spit-out-my-water WILD. Y'all, I have been ROCKED to my core.
CW
1. Like this metallic burnt orange nail polish that was real cute — oh, it's called "Erektis Klitoris."
@BridgeMistress / Via reddit.com
2. And when it comes to priorities, Essie let us know that "Size Matters." I have nothing to add to that convo. That's between you and you, boo.
Get it from Amazon for $9.
3. Of course, this fuchsia shade was fly, then I saw it's Essie's "After Sex." *sips tea*
Get it from Beauty Plus Salon for $8.49.
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4. I'd like to present BleachBlack's showstopper nail polish that I'm here for: "Dick Weed."
Urban Outfitters
Apparently, it has nothing to do with dick! Who knew!
5. Wait y'all, I lied. The real winner for BleachBlack: "Jizz." Yep, that's the one.
Bleach Black
6. If it's going to be a long night, you can dip into this polish called "Porn-a-Thon." I ain't even about to ask any questions, I'm minding my business.
Sorry y'all, it's currently unavailable, but maybe it'll come back.
7. Sometimes you want to keep it spicy and playful, and Urban Decay's Vice Lipstick in "69" gladly supports my theory.
Get it from Sephora for $18.
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8. And be a fiery badass in this poppin' color "Lady Balls."
Get it from Sephora for $21.
9. As you guys can see, I love me a good red lip. WERK whatever you want to work in Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics Lip Tar in "Role Play."
Beauty in The Geek / Via beautyinthegeek.com
Get it from Walmart for $7.99.
10. Some reds are a bit too grown for me, but then there's Kat Von D's steamy shade called "Under Age." Don't y'all come for me, I JUST REPORT the facts.
Also, if y'all really are upset about the name, check out what Kat Von D said about the name choice here.
11. I personally like orange lips and nails, so I had to take note of Man Glaze's varnish "Butt Taco."
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12. This polish, called "Stoked To Be Soaked," is pretty self-explanatory and I'll just leave it there.
Get this from Amazon for $7.09.
13. Honey if you're super bold, dive into OPI's pearlized "Pussy Galore." It's cuteeee.
Nikkie Tutorials / Via nikkietutorials.com
Get it from Overstock for $5.99.
14. Lest we forget about Spoiled's shade called "Pet My Peacock", which I'm willing to bet is not about a peacock and that's okay. *shrug*
15. This lip gloss is real spring, cute, and subtle. It's called "Sexy Mother Pucker," so be careful how quickly you spew this one out.
Get it from Ulta for $10.
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16. Some things I just admire and I don't question, like NARS' "Fire Down Below." Trust me, I have QUESTIONS, but I'm also down for this shade.
Get it from Nars Cosmetics for $28.
17. I would literally karate-chop a clown, but this OPI color in "So Many Clowns So Little Time" is strangely subtle and natural.
Get it from Beauty Plus Salon for $8.49.
18. And lastly, whatever gets you through the day, you can always rock this bold shade in "Double-Fisted Fuchsia."
@mariannaoust / Via flic.kr
I would make a joke about it packing a powerful punch, but I'll just leave it alone.
