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Twitter's Sharing Things They Overheard And I Am Laughing So Hard

*Holding my sides through laughter*

1.

Just overheard a grown woman be told she couldn’t order off the kids menu. She told the waiter with a stone cold serious face that she is God’s child. Waiter respected the effort and let it slide. https://t.co/838CumheJX

2.

#Overheard: Cashier: aww, how old are your kids? Customer: too old for adoption, not old enough for jobs. Parenthood really is slavery disguised as love. I will never know how old those kids are. 😂😂

3.

Overheard a guy who uses voice text to write an email at work today: -monotone- thank you (pause) comma (pause) but that does not really help

4.

overheard on what must be the worst first date ever: "do you subscribe to my newsletter?"

5.

Overheard @ Target: Mom (across aisle): "Philip, come on" Kid (Philip): "Mom can I be a pineapple?" "No" "Fine, can I be a taco?" "No" "I'm gonna be a taco" That kids gonna be a great taco

6.

#overheard in my place of work today : "Never trust someone in a brown suit. Never" #GoodToKnow!

7.

Overheard in NYC, restaurant division: “Phillip has just learned to tie an ascot. This has led to much discussion within the family.”

8.

Overheard girl to her boyfriend “get me a tea, not a hot tea, an iced tea, but without the ice”... *(que overwhelmed look), *comes back, “Here’s a hot tea with ice I’m not sure if this is better or worse”

9.

#overheard on the bus. Little girl: “Here’s what I’ve figured out. Strawberry plus doughnut equals strawberry doughnut.” Parent: “Makes sense.” Yep.

10.

Just overheard worst joke in history. Cashier, "how would you like to pay" Customer, "my good looks" *awkward silence*...it was a joke Cashier and I, https://t.co/5NecYkT9He

11.

"Is this gonna hurt?" "Nah, just do it like normal cocaine." #Overheard

12.

Overheard in my Lyft: "Wait, is Denmark in Sweden? I have no sense of direction."

13.

#Overheard whiskey review: "This tastes like really-high-end envelope glue."

14.

#overheard [grandmother to her grandson carrying a target bag] “you don’t get to play with any of these toys until you tell me who told you about nazis”

15.

#overheard “...at least you felt it in your pancreas” ...don’t wanna know the context of that one😐

16.

Overheard at a music festival: “Oh, that reminds me of my dead ex-husband, which is a GREAT story.” #overheard

17.

“I get a spoiled vibe from you.” “Wow. Maybe you’re projecting.” I don’t think this blind date is going well. #overheard

18.

overheard at the gym: “yeah one time I cried so much over that class that my contacts fell out” relatable

19.

Overheard on Hawthorne: "so are you two still dressing up as steampunk Snow White and hunter?" "yeah but its evolved a bit as a concept"

20.

overheard urban outfitters employee behind me in night class with bleached hair and septum say "you do know a group of crows is called a murder"

21.

Overheard phone conversation: “You shouldn’t have responded so quickly to that customer. Now they are going to expect good service.”

22.

Overheard in NY “you really only have one friend.” “yeah, because other people are exhausting.”

23.

i just overheard someone say “we named our dog tripod bc he only has three legs”

24.

"fuck you, kyle, get a job" -my mom to my cat, overheard from the other room

25.

Overheard conversation between a mom and her kids at Target: “All you have to do is not run away, it’s a low bar today!!”

26.

Overheard from a 5 year old in Target: “daddy I love you so much! Also I put some gogurts in the cart.”

27.

#overheard "I can wear this dress anywhere. Church, funerals, cocktail parties, this dress is multipurpose!"

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