As An Introvert, I Am Begging Extroverts To Stop Doing These 26 Things
Please, for the love of Cher, don't call me.
1. When y'all take us places just to ditch us.
"I hate when my extroverted friend drags me to parties and then leaves me alone to 'meet new people, and branch out.' They’re used to being able to casually chat with a stranger, but it usually ends up with me trying to fill the awkward silence, resulting in more awkward silence."
2. When y'all refuse to take no for an answer, geez:
"It’s super frustrating when extroverts can’t take no for an answer without getting mad. I hate canceling and flaking on people, so if someone extends an invitation to something that I don’t want to do, or that I know would make me miserable, I politely decline (rather than agreeing and later flaking). Extroverts receive it as me being rude, personally insulting them, or alienating myself. Ugh."
3. When y'all make last-minute plans and expect us to just pivot:
"Trying to make last-minute plans or changing plans on a whim. I had to mentally prepare myself to leave the house, and now you're springing things on me at the last second. My anxiety shoots through the roof and that's when I cancel."
4. When y'all get offended if we ask you to be slightly quieter:
"I hate that when you ask extroverts to please keep it quiet, they give you this look as if you asked them something incredibly stupid and they are going to be terribly inconvenienced by just keeping it low."
5. When y'all tell us we're boring just because we don't want to talk:
"It pisses me off when extroverts say I'm boring. I'm sorry, I hadn't realized my existence is to entertain you."
6. When y'all act weird just because we're quiet:
"I’m totally comfortable working on my own (or in silence) in another part of the restaurant as everyone else. But I hate it when people I’m working around give off that vibe, like, 'What’s wrong with you? You’re making me feel uncomfortable by not talking.'"
7. When y'all text your entire life story to us, we DON'T care:
"Texting me constantly about every detail of your day. I love you and I'm glad you had a delicious lunch, got your laundry done, and bought milk from a different store than usual, but I only have so much social energy per day and you're draining it way too fast with inane stuff."
8. When y'all think it's a miracle if we say anything (and being so over-the-top about it):
"When I say something and they are like, 'OMG, you are talking!'"
9. When y'all are unaware of your voice levels:
"The lack of volume control among extroverts bothers me. I'm a fairly social introvert, but I'm highly sensitive to stimuli. Loud talking not only annoys me, but really stresses me out."
10. When y'all insist on making small talk EVERY time you see us:
"I work at a public place, and the one thing that made me realize how much of an introvert I am is when our extroverted regulars come up to the service desk to chat. They're nice people, but I'm usually not in the mood for idle chitchat. When I see them come, I always say in my head, Oh god, here we go."
11. When y'all assume our need to be alone is a personal attack:
"An ex would never understand when I needed a night to myself every once in a while to actually relax. He was energized by being around people; I am energized by being alone."
12. When y'all assume we'll always say no to an invitation:
"I don’t like when my friends don’t invite me to something because they’re sure I’ll say no. I want the opportunity to be social just like everyone else."
13. When y'all keep talking when you see we don't want to talk:
"When I'm reading, listening to music, watching TV, knitting, etc. and they come to say something. It either goes two ways: 1) They keep talking while I noticeably try to resume what I'm doing and they don't get the message, or 2) They keep walking in and out of the room and I'm constantly stopping to give them my attention."
14. When y'all keep extending plans, we've already given you enough:
"I can't stand it when my friends try to EXTEND plans after the original plan is already completed. Please do not trap me into lunch after our walk at the park; I need to recharge!"
15. When y'all call us for something you could have just texted instead:
"Please stop calling to tell me something that you could easily send over text. In fact, just don’t call me. Just text me. I hate being put on the spot/caught in awkward conversation and just talking on the phone in general. Please. For the love of Cher. Don’t. Call. Me."
16. When y'all invite yourselves to things...like, that's weird:
"It grinds my gears when extroverts invite themselves to things. One time I was hanging out with some friends and said that I was going to go home to watch a movie. This one guy goes, 'Awesome! Can we all come?' No. You can’t. I’m sick of people and am just trying to politely leave."
17. When y'all force people to be the center of attention:
"Extroverts make a huge deal about birthdays with food and decorations and cheer. Being the center of attention is a nightmare. It’s just another day to me. I’ve gotten to the point that I refuse to tell people when my birthday is."
18. When y'all always feel the need to always say something:
"I have a colleague who, upon finishing her teaching day, regularly comes in and interrupts my lesson JUST to say goodbye. I'm a chatty, sociable introvert, but whyyyyy does she have to do that."
19. When y'all be telling other people's business:
"When my extrovert friends start talking about me and information about me to other people I don’t know (like at a party). It’s not like I have anything to hide or am secretive, it’s just that it took me a while to build up the confidence and trust to tell you, so please don’t go using it as an icebreaker for me."
20. When y'all ignore personal boundaries:
"I have a number of colleagues who stand super close to me and constantly talk at me. They don't pick up on me not engaging with them, and it just prompts lots of questions, even when I tell them I'm not in a chatty mood. They don't stop. I've had to literally put things like tables in between myself and these colleagues so they wouldn't get in my face. If I don't want to talk, that doesn't make me upset or shy or needing to be cheered up; I just don't want to chat."
21. When y'all force us to be sociable. Every. Freaking. Day:
"I have a very close-knit group of friends and they insist on getting together EVERY DAY! They are all extroverts and can’t be alone. They all hang out constantly, which leaves me in the awkward situation of either hanging out with them and feeling like I want to be home, or staying home to recharge my social battery but getting FOMO."
22. When y'all bring the party to us... We don't want it:
"My old roommate was an extrovert and wanted me to go out with her, but I always said I was ‘busy.’ So she planned a party at our apartment behind my back. She said, 'Since you couldn’t go to the party, I brought the party to you.' I moved out three days later.
23. When y'all neglect our need to recharge:
"Not understanding that I need time to myself and to recharge before going to social events because it takes so much energy to deal with all the extroverts."
24. When y'all think something's wrong with us:
"When they believe that introversion is unhealthy or disordered. I’ve known extroverts who seem convinced that being an extrovert is the only way to live, and that refusing to be social implies depression, an anxiety disorder, misanthropy, or otherwise something 'wrong' and fixable about you."
25. When y'all guilt-trip us for the little bit of time we want to ourselves:
"When family comes over and you've spent the whole day with them, and you just want to get a few minutes of alone time and your parents get mad at you for being in your room for 10 minutes."
26. And lastly, when y'all laugh loudly JUST to be loud:
"I can't stand it when they laugh really loud, like cackle obnoxiously loud. It's not THAT funny, Becky!"