My name's Jake, and frankly, if you didn't already know my name then you don't deserve to look at my profile. Please leave. Unless I like you, then you can stay. If I don't know you but you think there's a good chance I'll like you, then you too can stay. Ah, what the hell. Everyone can stay!
First things first, but not necessarily in that order. If you're not prepared to have weird experiences (and I mean REALLY weird) then you should probably delete me right now and stay away. I'm a weird magnet (Possibly something to do with Romani blood.). Almost every one of my friends started believing in ghosts, aliens, etc... soon after meeting me.
My family are generally quite fucked up. Although, some of them are really quite cool. My grandad had Thunderstruck by AC/DC played at his funeral which is ridiculously cool. He was also gonna have Cold As Ice by Foreigner, but he was cremated...
I have a lot of random, pointless information in my head. For example; Did you know that when you look at the Sun, you're seeing it as it was over 8 minutes in the past?
I am a Laird. In case you didn't know (and, I mean, why the hell would you?), a Laird is the Scottish equivalent of a Lord. Yeah. I bet you don't have a cool title. I own a square foot of land, which is more than enough for a decent size lego castle. It's called Paramoria. The land, not the castle. I haven't actually built that. Yet.
My full title is 'The Right Honourable Laird Jake Warren of Paramoria'.
I'm building an intergalactic empire. I'm starting with my land in Scotland. Next I'm gonna buy land on the Moon and Mars.
The people who will rule places for me and stuff:
(If you can think of any other planets, dwarf planets, moons, asteroids etc you want, tell me.)
I am part Scottish, part Italian, part French and part Romani (Gypsy).
I'm currently obsessed with Bellatrix LeStrange, Hermione Granger, Hayley Williams and Paramore.
I am a massive geek.
Greggs' sausage rolls are the single greatest form of sausage roll in the universe.
The best type of food in the world (probably): XL Bacon Double Cheeseburger from Burger King
Overall, I'm fucking amazing. I'm a Scottish Italian Gypsy Laird of a single square foot of Scottish land. I am one of the few people who has people like vampire witches from Oregon as friends. I can insult people in Elvish and I attract ghosts and other weirdness. You're lucky to know me really.