Do you feel nervous or anxious when you are walking up to a woman?
The solution to this anxiety problem may sound overly simplistic, but in reality the best way to eliminate approach anxiety is to understand that your anxiety is controlling it, and follow a system that is designed to get rid of it.
You can’t expect that a fairy godmother will float down and give you “confidence”, just like there is no magic pill that will eliminate all of your fears for good. It just doesn’t happen that way.
If you’re serious about getting rid of this fear, then you HAVE to do something about it. Stop procrastinating.
The best way to overcome your fear is to:
•Take that pain of approaching and associate it with the pain of losing that woman from your life for good.
•Associate approach her with adding pleasure to your life.
This logic does make sense, but that doesn’t mean that it will work for you unless you make it. Even when you understand the logic, you need to tie it to your emotions to really have an impact on your approach anxiety. When you are EMOTIONALLY driven to do something, you will do it 100x more often than when logic tells you to.
This is also the reason that we delay projects until the last minute, when we feel emotional pressure to do them.
So, without further ado, here are the simple steps to defeating approach anxiety:
1. Take out a piece of paper and draw two columns. One should have the header ‘What does it COST me if I DON’T approach’, and the other should be ‘What will I GAIN if I DO approach’.
2.Under each column, list the answers to the questions above, and try to make them as filled with emotion as possible. As an example, don’t have one of your costs say “I won’t meet them” when you could use “If I don’t talk to them I might end up alone for the rest of my life”. The second is much more emotion-driven. Remember that everyone has different answers, and you aren’t showing them to anyone so make them as detailed as possible.
3.For each of the points under the negative column, picture them coming true right in front of your eyes. Picture that guy snagging your girl, or ‘the one’ walking away until you actually feel emotional pain from doing so. It will help to get you charged up and will help your mind associate these things as negatives.
4.Similarly to the second one, picture each of the positives as an actual pleasurable experience. You want to feel the thrill of getting her number, going in for the kiss, or whatever else you’re thinking about doing.
If you’ve applied this system, then you will begin to feel much more motivation to getting out there and approaching. If you don’t, then you need to go back and do the exercise. 9 times out of 10 it means that you need to concentrate more on the pain/pleasure section, making each point real and emotional for you.
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