We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about their worst experience as a resident assistant in college. Here are some of their most scarring stories:
1. The wet weave:
"I got a call from a resident while I was off duty and off campus. She began telling me about how her roommate had PEED IN HER HAIR. Luckily it was a weave that was not on her head. She then tried to DENY IT."
2. The creative pooper:
"I was walking back from class one night and saw something from the corner of my eye. I turned to see a bare ass hanging out of the window on the second floor. I watched in horror as the owner of said ass pooped out the window onto the sidewalk beneath his window. I shouted from the street to, 'stick his butt in the window.' The guy ended up getting kicked out of school."
3. The night that went from lucky to violent:
"I got a call from a resident because her neighbor was having 'really loud, angry-sounding' sex. So I went over, knocked on the door, and talked to the neighbor who obviously denied it. I turned to walk out of the room, but when I got to the door, a guy rolled out from under the bed. Completely NAKED. The girl then went over to the girl who called me and banged on her door. When she opened the door, she grabbed her by her hair and dragged her into the hall."
4. The NOPE:
"I was on duty one night and another RA wakes up to screaming and pounding on her door. She answers it to find one of her residents standing at the door with blood pouring down her face and all over the floor. She was hooking up with a guy who turns out was on bath salts and BIT OFF HALF HER LIP. She ended up needing 26 stitches."
5. The quickie:
"My RA told me about the time she wandered into what she thought was an empty lounge with the lights off, to find two freshman getting hot and heavy on the table. Evidently they both had their roommates in their rooms and neither of them could wait till one of the roommates cleared out."
6. The big ~surprise~:
"A friend of mine was the RA on duty one night when she got called to the bathroom for some kind of medical emergency. Apparently one of her residents didn't know she was pregnant and had just given birth in the shower stall. In the communal bathroom."
7. The repeat offender:
"I once saw a group of guys huddled around my door. When they saw me, they ran off, but left a puddle at my door. I wasn't sure what it was, so I just cleaned it up. A while later, I heard water running. I pop my head around the corner, and see *water* coming under my door. I look through my peephole, and see the SAME RESIDENT from before PEEING ON MY DOOR."
8. The world record holder for biggest shit:
"One night, a resident was naked and taking a shit in the hallway. I saw him and he was facing the other way, leaning against a wall, passed out. A few feet behind him was a giant pile of shit. I may be exaggerating this in my head but I swear it looked like the triceratops shit from Jurassic Park. I mean it was enormous."
9. The most frightening fridge ever:
"As an RA, we had to stay in the dorms for a few days after residents had left for the holidays and clean up. Cleaning the community fridge, we found that one freshman biology student had decided to store their dead, dissected lab rat alongside everyone's food."
10. The angry drunk:
"I once found a very drunk girl literally hugging the toilet and crying in the bathroom. She'd long finished throwing up, but refused to let go of her new friend. I got behind her, put my hands under her arms, and tried to just pick her up. She got up, slammed me into a wall, and slapped me dead in the face before crumpling and passing out. We dragged her to her room to sleep it off. She had no recollection the next morning."
11. The unusual pet:
"My brother was an RA for three years and one time, one of the residents was keeping a goat in their dorm. It took them a few weeks to finally bust the guy, but they eventually found him in the hallway taking the goat for a walk."
12. The couple who are very down for PDA:
"One time while doing rounds, I turned down the hallway only to find a girl giving a guy a blow job. When I asked, 'What the hell?' The guy's response was, 'My roommate is home and she didn't seem to mind.' The girl responded, 'His roommate is always home!'"
13. The courteous smoker:
"I had a resident open the door and blow smoke in my face while saying she wasn't smoking in her room."
14. The guy who needs a lesson on how to wear a towel:
"One night, while checking bathrooms, my duty partner saw someone in the bathroom, post-shower, bending over the sink, but they had put their towel around their neck instead of around the parts of you that you usually use a towel to cover up. My partner got a pretty ~intimate~ view. Then the guy came out of the bathroom holding the towel around his waist, but when he turned to walk away, his whole butt was still completely uncovered!"
15. The scene straight out of a horror movie:
"A kid was extremely intoxicated and ended up punching out a window. He then proceeded to run out of the building while wiping his very bloody hand all over the walls in the stairwell."
16. The neat freak:
"One night on rounds, I opened the door to find one of the male residents vacuuming the hallway in his underwear. He saw me coming and moved to the side of the VERY narrow hallway, forcing me to squeeze by him and his whitey tighties. I've never been so uncomfortable in my life."
17. And finally, the last time they ever did laundry in that dorm:
"Someone once pooped in a washing machine because they were so high on drugs."