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"SNL" Reminded Everyone That Hello Kitty Is NOT A CAT, And Somehow That's Not The Weirdest Thing About Her???

It will take me decades to wrap my mind around the information I learned in this sketch.

Keke Palmer's episode of Saturday Night Live this weekend was full of must-see moments.

Keke Palmer on SNL

Like HER PREGNANCY ANNOUNCMENT!!

Keke Palmer showing off her pregnant belly

Her hilarious collab with SZA.

And the Kenan & Kel reboot we didn't know we needed.

Kenan & Kel sketch

But there is one explosive sketch that I simply cannot stop thinking about.

Hello. Kitty.

The sketch starts out at the Times Square Sanrio store (the company that owns Hello Kitty), where a group of new hires are getting trained to work the sales floor.

new hires smiling in the Sanrio store

In order to work there, they need to know the history of the Hello Kitty character. Well... BUCKLE. UP. Because these Hello Kitty facts in the sketch are actually all true, straight from Sanrio.

EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?!

THE FACE OF A HUMAN?!?!?!?!

hello kitty holding popcorn
manager saying, "It's true — according to the creators, Hello Kitty is a human little girl"

They go on to list that she was born in 1974, lives in London, and is "five apples tall." They also reveal that she's in the third grade, and if you can do math...

THE FACE OF A 48-YEAR-OLD THIRD-GRADER?!?!?!

Hello Kitty looking shocked and riding a magic carpet

OK, you might be saying to yourself, it can't get crazier than that. WELL THINK AGAIN, SISTER.

the manager saying, "She also has a boyfriend named Dear Daniel and unlike Hello Kitty he actually is a cat"

WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?! What are the rules of this world?

one new hire asking, "So the girl is a person but the one in a suit is a cat?" and another new hire asking, "and they're dating so you're telling me those two are clappin' cheeks bareback"

THE FACE OF A 48-YEAR-OLD HUMAN THIRD-GRADER WITH A CAT FOR A BOYFRIEND?!?!

Hello Kitty smiling

In case you forgot (like I did), this story actually first broke back in 2014 when anthropologist Christine R. Yano was curating a Hello Kitty exhibit at the Japanese American National Museum in Los Angeles.

people at the Hello Kitty exhibit

"I was corrected — very firmly," she told the Los Angeles Times. "That's one correction Sanrio made for my script for the show. Hello Kitty is not a cat. She's a cartoon character. She is a little girl. She is a friend. But she is not a cat. She's never depicted on all fours. She walks and sits like a two-legged creature. She does have a pet cat of her own, however, and it's called Charmmy Kitty."

STOP. IT. RIGHT. NOW. So let's go over this.

Hello Kitty: -human little girl -48 years old -in third grade -has pet cat -has cat boyfriend -measures weight and height in apples

Well, Hello Kitty is also apparently Natasha Lyonne. BECAUSE WHY NOT?!

Natasha Lyonne holding a Hello Kitty head and dressed in the costume

You can watch the full sketch here. And be careful out there. Nothing is as it seems.