It Is Actually Impossible To Look Away From These 2003 Red Carpet Monstrosities — Like, You're Gonna Want To, But You Can't

    We may never atone for the fashion sins committed in the year of our lord 2003, but through prayer and dedication, we must try.

    I don't want to alarm you, but the year 2003 happened TWENTY years ago.

    A lot has changed in that time, especially our fashions. So I thought it would be fun to take a look at some random red carpet pics from 2003 just to see what everyone was up to.

    Spoiler alert: They were up to a LOT.

    1. We were still living in the era of The Simple Life supremacy, and Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton were turning out looks like this.

    Nicole is wearing a skirt with colorful diagonal lines, and Paris is wearing a full dress in a similar design

    2. And this.

    Paris is wearing a piece of cloth across her chest and what looks like a loincloth around her waist

    3. Here's Kelly Osbourne and Avril Lavigne serving Hot Topic realness.

    Kelly is wearing a pinstripe black skirt with a skull on it and a shirt that says "young, willing, and eager;" Avril is wearing black pinstripe pants

    4. Charlie's Angels squad Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, and Lucy Liu were accessorized for the gods.

    All three have multiple accessories: Cameron is wearing a beret and thin bracelet, Drew is wearing a knee-length scarf and small necklace, and Lucy is carrying a small bag and has a chain hanging from a belt loop

    5. And Drew had...a baking accident?? I have to assume.

    The areas surrounding Drew's eyes are covered in bright white powder, and it looks like flour or baking powder

    6. Jen and Brad were still a couple. She was fresh from the beach? He was asking if anyone had seen his nipples.

    Jen is wearing a simple tank top with flip-flops, and Brad is wearing jeans with a see-through button-up shirt

    7. Scarlett Johansson saw a jellyfish somewhere and said, "I have an idea!"

    Scarlett's front is covered with one piece of ovular cloth that wraps around her neck and reaches down to her waist

    8. "Not just a dress. A jellyfish haircut too!"

    Scarlett with a mullet

    9. Here's Jennifer Lopez in a very normal outfit. Everything here makes a lot of sense.

    Jennifer's top has several seemingly random holes in it

    10. Beyoncé wanted to have a little fun with fur.

    Beyonce is wearing a leather jumpsuit that is covered in fur around the neck and both shoulders

    11. But took things way too far. 😳

    Beyonce is wearing a floor-length skirt with a top that looks like a fur-lined corset; none of the outfit matches in color or style

    12. Jennifer Love Hewitt held up Eric McCormack's boobies while wearing the thickest knit scarf you've ever seen and a shortsleeved shirt.

    13. Stacie Orrico was crumbling under the weight of her own hair.

    Stacie's hair is very big and frizzy

    14. Ashton Kutcher felt totally at ease with his GF's ex being at the function.

    Ashton Kutcher while dating Demi Moore takes a picture with Demi's family and Bruce Willis, her ex; Ashton is staring at Bruce while everyone else smiles at the camera

    15. Christina Aguilera was one bent knee away from becoming a flamingo.

    Christina is wearing a pink dress with feathers on it, clearly designed to look like a flamingo

    16. And you might not believe me, but this is not an action shot.

    Christina's hair is so tall that it looks like it's defying gravity, like she must be moving her head and the hair is in motion

    See?

    Christina is clearly standing still on stage and the hair is just as tall

    17. Here's the Backstreet Boys, who I assume had a brand partnership with The Buckle.

    The Backstreet Boys all look like they went shopping at the same store together

    18. Mya said, "Give me straps or give me death."

    Mya is wearing a laced-up corset, short skirt, and high heels that are tied up to her calf

    19. Kristen Stewart was literally a 1-year-old and still cooler than you.

    Kristen wearing jeans and a simple button-up shirt

    20. Here's Mariah Carey and Kelly Clarkson, who are somehow both dressed for the same event.

    Mariah is wearing a bathing suit top with a jacket over it and shorts, while Kelly is wearing a long-sleeve top and pants

    21. Mandy Moore was busy doing her best Lisa Rinna impression while Famke Janssen tended to her ailing daughter, Rashida Jones.

    Mandy poses for the camera while Rashida leans on Famke and looks like she could be sick

    22. Hilary Duff took ruffles to a level we thought not possible.

    Hilary's shirt is covered with leaf and flower designs, while her skirt has several layers of ruffles; both the shirt and skirt are covered in so many different colors, it makes the outfit an eyesore

    23. Lindsay Lohan said, "Cuff it, cuff it, cuff it, cuff it, baby."

    Lindsay is wearing jeans that are cuffed almost up to the knees

    24. Somehow, the wildest part of Lil' Kim's ensemble is the full turquoise necklace around her ankle.

    Lil Kim is wearing a swimsuit with a floor-length shawl and necklaces around both her neck and ankle

    25. This big cat is judging Sarah Michelle Gellar's fashion choices.

    Sarah is sitting next to a stuffed ocelot that seems like it's looking at her, and she's wearing a top with a strange line of cloth and buckle at the top

    26. And here's SMG with daddy long bangs.

    Sarah's eyes are covered by her bangs

    27. Maya Rudolph, Rachel Dratch, and Amy Poehler were all so cute it makes me sick to my ass.

    Maya is wearing a suit jacket, Amy is wearing a shiny top, and Rachel is wearing a simple top with a fashionable jacket over it

    28. Here's Jeff Probst with Survivor contestants just hours after receiving the first spray tan in human history.

    Probst has clearly been spray tanning because you can see a difference in skin color just below his hairline

    29. It's not that I don't like Raven-Symoné's pants, it's just that I don't understand them — like, from a architectural standpoint.

    Raven's pants look like jeans that start unraveling halfway down

    30. This is S Club just 20 years before announcing their reunion tour.

    31. Justin Timberlake wore a koala on his fedora. No need for clarification.

    A small stuffed koala hangs off Justin's hat

    32. Eve serving as inspiration for all the skirts in Mean Girls.

    33. Paula Abdul was revealed to be a secret princess after a life spent hiding in plain sight.

    34. And finally, here's proof that icons Dolly Parton, Jane Fonda, and Lily Tomlin are all aging in reverse.