Yes, two teams are going head to head in what I hear is a pretty important game on Sunday. But for those of us who give no fucks, there are still numerous glorious viewing options that aren't the big game.
Here are the alternative "bowls," TV show marathons, and awesome movies on Sunday, presented in chronological order. (All times are ET.)
1. Law & Order (TNT)
2. The Walking Dead (AMC)
3. B.A.P.S. (VH1)
4. Will & Grace (WE)
5. Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (USA)
6. The Real Housewives of Atlanta (Bravo)
7. Kitten Bowl II (Hallmark Channel)
8. How I Met Your Mother (WGN)
9. Star Trek: The Next Generation (BBC America)
12 p.m.–6 a.m.
Want to spend your entire day with Jean-Luc Picard and co.? And then wake up with them? BBC America made it so.
10. Criminal Minds (A&E)
11. Enchanted (E!)
12. Purple Rain (VH1)
Sorry, Katy Perry and Lenny Kravitz. But how can anyone compare to the beauty that was Prince's 2007 Super Bowl halftime show? Even though we can't relive it in real time, we can watch Purple Rain on VH1 instead.
13. The Birdcage (Pop)
Not only is The Birdcage a fantastically funny and heartwarming movie, but thanks to Albert, you now have the perfect response to someone asking you how you feel about "that call" during the Super Bowl.
14. 13 Going on 30 (FXX)
15. She's the Man (TBS)
16. Roseanne (TV Land)
2 p.m.–6 p.m.
Spending Super Bowl Sunday with the Queen of No Fucks is absolutely ideal.
17. How It's Made (Science Channel)
18. Puppy Bowl XI (Animal Planet)
19. The Simpsons (FXX)
3:30 p.m.–7:30 p.m.
Because it wouldn't be a Sunday without Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie. This eight-episode block includes "Treehouse of Horror X," which features the voices of Lucy Lawless, Dick Clark, and Tom Arnold.
20. High School Musical trilogy (Disney Channel)
21. Kindergarten Cop (Pop)
When Arnold Schwarzenegger's character, undercover detective John Kimble, first arrives in his kindergarten classroom to feign being a teacher in an effort to catch a drug dealer, he screams exactly what you are thinking while listening to anyone and everyone talk about football.
22. The Blind Side (ABC Family)
The perfect football movie for those who could care less about football. Is Michael Oher playing in this Super Bowl? you think. Then maybe I'll watch. *googles* Never mind.
23. Caddyshack (IFC)
24. Shrek, Shrek 2, Shrek the Third (TBS)
25. Fish Bowl (NatGeo Wild)
26. Patch Adams (Pop)
27. Back to the Future & Back to the Future Part II (ABC Family)
"Where we're going, we don't need roads." Watch the movie that brought us that wonderful quote and much more at 7 p.m. and then the sequel at 9:30 p.m. And thank you, ABC Family, for acknowledging that the third movie just isn't worth it.