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The Taylor Swift Cleaning Blitz

The definitive guide to cleaning your entire place in less than an hour. Dancing optional but encouraged.

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Cue up the album, get out your clorox and rubber gloves, and get to work. In the time it takes you to listen to "1989" start to finish, your place can be cleaner than it's been in months.
Dana Schwartz

Cue up the album, get out your clorox and rubber gloves, and get to work. In the time it takes you to listen to "1989" start to finish, your place can be cleaner than it's been in months.

Dana Schwartz

1. Welcome To New York (3 minutes, 32 seconds)

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Do a clean sweep. Use the upbeat tempo to motivate you to begin, just by straightening up the things you can do easily. Strip your bed, pick everything up off the floor that doesn't belong there, and put your dirty clothes in your hamper. Whites with whites and darks with darks.

2. Blank Space (4 minutes, 51 seconds)

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Add some blank spaces: clean off your desk and all the extra surfaces in your room. Think minimal. A bedside table with just a book and an alarm clock will make you feel like you're at a hotel. Your desk should be a daydream dressed like a daydream.

3. Style (3 minutes, 51 seconds)

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Hang up your clothes. Whether you're more James Dean or Red Lip Classic, you never want your clothes to be wrinkled. Crisp clothes never go out of style.

4. Out of the Woods (3 minutes, 55 seconds)

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Make your goddam bed. With clean sheets. And neat, folded corners that get tucked under the mattress. Fluff your comforter and your pillows. As it so happens, the monsters didn't turn out to be just trees - the monster is the fact that you've been sleeping in a crumpled top sheet for the last month. You get nearly four minutes so do it well; no room will look clean if the bed isn't tidy.

Dana Schwartz

5. All You Had To Do Was Stay (3 minutes, 13 seconds)

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Dust all of your surfaces. We're doing a little role-playing here. Taylor is the dust, you're the ex-boyfriend. Time for you to get all of the dust in the palm of your hand and lock it out (in the garbage). It's a bit of a stretch, but here's the thesis: don't let the dust stay. ANYWHERE. Clean the legs of your tables, between your couch cushions, your bookshelf - make sure the dust knows that you're not planning on getting back together.

6. Shake It Off (3 minutes, 39 seconds)

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Clean your floor! Use a broom, swiffer, vaccuum, whatever you have readily available. This is your time to bust a move as big and as hard as you can while you make your way across your entire (dance) floor.

7. I Wish You Would (3 minutes, 27 seconds)

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Straighten up and put things where they belong. Get jackets off the couch and pillows off the floor. Take three and a half minutes to focus on making your living room look like it could be on the cover of Home and Garden (or at least in the background of an Instagram shot without embarrassing you).

Dana Schwartz

8. Wildest Dreams (3 minutes, 40 seconds)

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Clean the counters and stove. Start by decluttering - putting away any condiments and throwing away take out bags that have been on the counter since October. Use a multipurpose spray to spritz the counters and the stove and wipe everything down with a microfiber cloth. The slow, rhythmic melody of T-swizzle's song will propel your wiping.

9. Bad Blood (3 minutes, 31 seconds)

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Do the dishes. All of them. Even if they're not yours. Even if you've been hoping your roommate would get the hint that you've been dying for her to clean the dishes, it's time to bite the bullet and accept there's always going to be a little bad blood. Do the dishes. They'll totally notice and the guilt will be more effective than any of your passive aggression ever was.

10. How You Get The Girl (4 Minutes, 7 seconds)

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Clean out your refrigerator. It's time to take some things our from the cold. Throw out everything that's expired or about to expire, wipe down sticky jars, and try your hand at that orange muck that's always sort of in the corners.

Dana Schwartz

11. This Love (4 minutes, 10 seconds)

Clean your toilet. The love story between you and your toilet needs to be sung. Your toilet was there for you after the Night of 11 Tequila Shots and the time you tried the new burrito place. Give a little back by spraying the inside of the bowl with whatever blue goop you have under the sink and using some clorox to make the ceramic shiny and white angain.

12. I Know Places (3 minutes, 15 seconds)

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Clean the sink. Find those secret hiding places in the crevasses of your sink (probably behind your toothbrush cup) and use multipurpose spray (and an old toothbrush if you have it) to scrub as hard as you can, with all of the passion Taylor has for her bright new relationships.

13. Clean (4 minutes, 30 seconds)

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Wipe down the shower, tub, and mirror. You did the hard work, now just make sure everything is as sparkly as Taylor's baby blue eyes. Wipe down the mirror with glass cleaner, starting at the top and moving down in a circular motion. Clean the gunk out of your shower; focus on getting any stray hair out of the drain and throwing out any empty shampoo bottles.

You did it! Celebrate with some awkward T-Swift dancing.

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