3. Which means there aren’t social functions every Friday and Saturday and Thursday.
As well as every other Tuesday, the last Sunday of the month following an odd-numbered Wednesday, and the Monday after a blue moon whereupon we only drink Blue Moon.
13. You’re holding out for that job in [insert big city here].
You’ll have enough money and free time to date all the people once you get this job. And who knows where you’ll end up? L.A., New York, ungoverned Afghanistan: Somebody, somewhere has to need the services of a semi-skilled college graduate, right? Right?