I Ranked All The Guys Phoebe From "Friends" Dated – Here's Who Was The Best

    The devil works hard but Princess Consuela Banana Hammock works harder.

    Ivy Richardson
    by Ivy Richardson

    BuzzFeed Contributor

    It’s hard to believe that Phoebe never had a serious relationship before meeting Mike Hannigan in Season 9.

    NBC

    Instead, she dated a series of (mostly) questionable guys, so I've decided ranked them all from least to most eligible.

    19. Jim Nelson

    Jim sits in front of a cocktail with long hair and smiling at Phoebe
    NBC

    Jim is without a doubt the creepiest guy that Phoebe dated. After making a series of vulgar comments on their date, he reveals that he writes erotic novels...for children! He must be avoided at all costs. 

    18. Malcolm

    Malcom sits next to Phoebe as she looks up in alarm
    NBC

    In a series of unfortunate events, Malcolm mistook Phoebe for her twin-sister Ursula, and started stalking her. As far as meet-cutes go, this is not one to write home about. For some unknown reason, they started dating and Phoebe tried to help him get over her sister. But, he just couldn't help himself and went back to his old stalking ways. He clearly did not understand the assignment. 

    17. Roger

    NBC

    Instead of just getting to know Phoebe’s friends, Roger spent the majority of his time analysing them and making them feel awful about themselves. While he may have been a gifted psychoanalyst, he was an awful boyfriend. 

    16. Kyle

    NBC

    Kyle was fresh out of a divorce when he met Phoebe, but they hit it off nonetheless. The only problem was that he couldn’t stop talking about his ex-wife Whitney's annoying habits — that's a red flag if I ever saw one. He eventually called things off with Phoebe and gave Whitney another shot, which is probably for the best as Phoebe deserved a whole lot better. 

    15. Larry

    Larry and Phoebe stand facing each other in Central Perk
    NBC

    Now we all love a guy that takes his job seriously but let’s face it, Larry’s was his only personality trait. While Phoebe was initially excited by the health inspector’s ability to shut restaurants down, it got very old very quickly. 

    14. Tim

    Tim looks eagerly at Phoebe
    NBC

    Phoebe was dying to get sous-neath the new sous chef at Monica’s restaurant. But once she actually got to know Tim, she realised that he was an unfortunate combination of obsessive, needy, and paranoid. While he was a sweet guy with a heart of gold, calling someone a million times a day just “to say hello” is enough to drive anyone up the wall.

    13. Robert

    Robert sits on the arm chair of the seat Phoebe is sitting in
    NBC

    Robert and Phoebe seemed like a great match at first. He taught her all about different sports and got on really well with her friends. The issue was that Robert had a love for both going commando and wearing extremely revealing shorts. It was only a matter of time until someone got an eyeful, and that’s enough to give anyone the ick. 

    12. Parker

    Parker grabs Phoebe's arms in excitment
    NBC

    Parker can only be described as a headache in human form. He meant well, but there’s only so much a person can take. If Phoebe couldn’t even handle his enthusiasm, then there’s really no hope for the rest of us. 

    11. Sergei

    Phoebe and Sergei smiling while at a restaurant
    NBC

    Well, it doesn’t take a genius to work out that this relationship was doomed from the start. Sergei didn’t speak a word of English (other than "plate") and Phoebe couldn’t even pronounce the name of the country he was from. Sergei was definitely a catch, but needing a translator present at all of your dates is a sure way to kill the mood. 

    10. Eric

    Eric and Phoebe dressed in costumes showing the planetary system and super man
    NBC

    Eric was a kind-hearted 2nd-grade teacher and he had a great connection with Phoebe. But given that he was originally engaged to Ursula, it’s not all that surprising that things didn’t work out between them. Unfortunately, he accidentally slept with Ursula — thinking she was Phoebe — and it was all downhill from there. Some entanglements just aren’t worth the hassle. 

    9. Rob Donnan

    Rob in the middle of talking
    NBC

    Rob and Phoebe were pretty compatible and they were also both musicians! He invited Phoebe to sing for the children in the local library and in true Phoebe-style, she told the kids the truth about the meat industry, death, and sexuality. Naturally, the parents weren’t thrilled by her repertoire and neither was he — but can we really blame them? All in all, Rob was a decent guy, just not the guy for Phoebe. 

    8. Gary

    Gary points a gun while still laying in bed with Phoebe scared beside him
    NBC

    Up until Gary shot an innocent bird on their window frame, he pretty much ticked all the boxes. Even though he was a police officer with a hard exterior, he was a sweetheart when it came to Phoebe. These two had just moved in together and things were looking up for the couple, until he pulled the trigger. Looks like he was a bad cop after all. 

    7. Don

    Don and Phoebe at Central Perk
    NBC

    Phoebe went on several dates with Don even though she was convinced that he was Monica's soulmate. As questionable as that may be, he was actually a catch. He was good looking, charming, polite, and wanted to live in a house made of cheese — don’t we all? 

    6. Jake

    Jake and Joey talking on the couch at Central Perk
    NBC

    Jake and Phoebe started seeing each other in Season 7 and were practically inseparable from the jump. I honestly couldn’t fault Jake if I tried, and I wish these two had been together for longer. He even went to Central Perk wearing her underwear. And that’s on being secure in your masculinity! 

    5. Vince

    Vince at the fire house talking to Phoebe
    NBC

    What’s not to love about Vince? He was a dashing firefighter who was also in touch with his feelings. It was a sad day when he ended things with Phoebe after finding out that she had a candlelit dinner in the park. Surprisingly, he was more upset about the fire hazard than he was about her dating another guy. Say what you want about Vince, but he was a man with principles. 

    4. Jason

    a shirtless Jason talks to Phoebe
    NBC

    Jason was a sweet kindergarten teacher who also happened to have the body of a Greek God — the best of both worlds. He completely dotes on Phoebe and was a wonderful combination of sensitive, strong, and ambitious. He should have been protected at all costs.

    3. Ryan

    Phoebe and Ryan who is covered in chicken pots and stove mittens eat at the apartment
    NBC

    Ryan is a prime example of a ride or die. The marine resurfaced every two years and made a beeline for Phoebe. Unfortunately, the time we met him, Phoebe got the chickenpox. But like the true romantic he is, Ryan marched into the apartment and voluntarily caught the pox just so he could spend time with her. And who said romance was dead?

    2. David

    David and Phoebe talking on the street
    NBC

    These two were on and off again throughout the entire series and their chemistry was off the charts (and not just because he’s a scientist). Even after not seeing one another for years at a time, David and Phoebe were always crazy about each other. He was a true gentleman from start to finish and if it wasn’t for his scientific endeavours in Minsk, there’s a good chance that they would’ve ended up together. 

    1. Mike Hannigan

    Mike and Phoebe staring lovingly at each other
    NBC

    I think it’s safe to say that Mike Hannigan is the perfect guy, and what’s more, he is the perfect guy for Phoebe. If they aren't couple goals, I don’t know who is. 

    Do you agree with my ranking? Let me know in the comments!