Henry VIII's Love Life, And 19 Other Useless Things We All Learned At School

Who is Pythagoras, and why did we all learn his Theorem?

I thoroughly enjoyed school, but we really did learn some useless things from time to time.

Instead of learning about taxes and credit scores, we learnt how to draw Venn Diagrams.

Here are 19 pretty useless things we were taught back in the day....

1. That the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.

Lifetime

I’ll sooner forget my birthday than forget that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. But the real question is, what exactly are we meant to do with this information?

2. How to over analyse literature.

Hulu

Maybe the curtains were red because the author liked red, and not because the protagonist had anger issues. And maybe it was raining outside because the story is set in Scotland and not because the main character is depressed. 

3. Long Division.

Fox

In a world full of calculators, was it necessary for us to learn long division? Did we really need to be subjected to this painful process when we have access to the internet? It’s a solid no from me. 

4. How to play the recorder.

Fuse

Of all the instruments that could’ve been forced upon us, why the recorder? I can confidently say that a pitchy rendition of Hot Cross Buns isn’t something that anyone needs in their life. 

5. Pythagoras’ Theorem.

NBC

The way the Pythagorean Theorem was shoved down our throats, I really thought adulthood would involve a lot more triangles. Turns out, the equation really gets you nowhere.

6. The Periodic Table.

Netflix

I know exactly where to find Magnesium on the periodic table, but I don't know how to apply for a mortgage, so who's the real winner here? 

7. Latin.

BBC

Who thought teaching a dead language to children was a good idea?

8. How to put a condom on a banana.

Universal Pictures

This was not the revolutionary sex education that schools thought it was. First and foremost, bananas are not exact replicas of the male anatomy and secondly, there are other equally effective contraceptives that we should’ve been able to explore. 

9. Sex Education in general.

Paramount Pictures

Yes, we learnt where babies come from but consent, queer sex, and pleasure were completely left out of the conversation. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that sex ed really missed the mark. 

10. Trigonometry.

Warner Bros. Pictures

I had many sleepless nights over Sin, Cos, and Tan and God knows why, because they have no virtually no purpose in everyday life. It’s a shame we had to learn that the hard way. 

11. How to dissect an animal.

Fox / ABC

What was the reason? Cutting open a dead rat was trauma-inducing and truth be told, I don’t think the experience gave me any transferable skills. Not once have I said “dissecting that rat all those years ago has really prepared me for this moment.” 

12. Algebra.

CBS

Maths was already hard enough without adding letters to the mix. I can’t even find my own ex…

13. Useless phrases in another language.

Netflix

Instead of teaching us useful phrases or conversation starters, we spent years learning how to talk about our weekend plans. On my many trips to Spain, not once has “I went to the cinema last Saturday” come in handy.

14. The order of the planets.

CBS

My Very Easy Method Just Speeds Up Naming Planets has gotten me nowhere. Planets rarely come up in general conversation and even when they do, chances are you’re not being asked to recite them in order in relation to the sun. 

15. Henry VIII’s relationship history.

Official London Theatre

I can’t even keep track of my own love life let alone King Henry VIII’s. Who he married, divorced, and beheaded is really none of my business. 

16. How to bake cupcakes and biscuits.

BBC

Food tech was the perfect opportunity to teach us how to make some quick, nutritious, and inexpensive meals. However, we spent the majority of this time learning how to bake. Now I love a sweet treat as much as the next person, but having some savoury recipes under our belts would’ve been a lot more useful. 

17. The different types of rocks.

ABC

I really thought geography would consist of studying maps and learning about population demographics but no, we learned about rocks. Again, how is that information meant to help us navigate the world? 

18. The "I before E except after C" rule.

Wolf Enteretainment

What about foreign, protein and vein? What is the point of a rule that doesn’t even apply half of the time?

19. Anything to do with bunsen burners.

Comedy Central

Knowing how to operate a bunsen burner is up there as one of the most useless life skills. I am convinced they cease to exist outside of science classrooms.

20. And finally, Venn diagrams.

CBS

We could've been taught how to send invoices or do our taxes but instead, we learned how to draw overlapping circles...

Don't forget to tell us the most useless thing you learned at school in the comments!