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Online dating is not for the faint-hearted.
When you first download a bunch of dating apps, it is hard not to be optimistic. You start believing that you might actually meet the one and become one of those disgustingly happy couples. After all, who says Tinderella can’t live happily ever after?
Unfortunately, it doesn’t take all that long for the inevitable dread to start sinking in. Scrolling through a sea of unflattering profile pictures, uninteresting bios, and repeating the same soul-destroying conversations over and over again will knock the excitement out of anyone.
I know it’s a tall order to dive right into a meaningful discussion with a complete stranger but there’s only so much small talk I can take. “What’s your favourite colour?”, “how many siblings do you have?”, “wow the weather is really bad this week” – please make it stop. I have no more talking stages left in me and this is precisely why.
Don’t you just hate it when you’re finally hitting it off with someone and then all of sudden the conversation becomes drier than the Sahara Desert? The worst part is that it’s virtually impossible to revive a dead convo – take it from me.
Some of you have never accidentally swiped left on an absolute worldie and it shows. The seasoned swipers among us know that when you’ve been swiping left for a hot minute, sometimes you actually can’t stop yourself when a 10/10 pops up. I’ve never felt pain quite like it.
Do you swipe right out of courtesy or pretend you never saw them? Asking for a friend.
There is nothing worse than crafting a wonderfully witty message for it to go completely over someone’s head. It isn’t always easy to convey a sense of humour over message but having to over explain your jokes is certainly a mood killer.
In my humble opinion, questions about sex positions, kinks and anal probably aren’t the best (or most appropriate) conversation starters. And neither are tone-deaf messages that fetishize people’s skin colour, ethnicity and/or body type. People have a whole lot of audacity on these apps and unfortunately, you have to learn that the hard way.
Being sent a close up of someone’s genitals without a word of warning is not my idea of a good time. Assignment misunderstood.
There’s truly nothing more off-putting than being asked to send a bunch of nude photos to someone you’ve just started talking to on the internet. The cheek, the nerve, the gall, the audacity, and the gumption!
When you come across a profile with pictures that look a little too good to be true and an amazing bio to match, it’s hard not to assume the worst. Are they just ridiculously attractive or did they steal a random model’s photos and create a whole fake identity? It’s a tough call.
Why does it take some people three to five business days to respond? Do they send a message and then just yeet their phone as far away as possible?
If you thought being blanked for a few days was bad, try being ghosted or blocked in the middle of a perfectly decent conversation. Where are the Ghostbusters when you need them?
Why are people like this? That isn’t a rhetorical question, I actually need answers.
You start questioning yourself. Is it me? Am I the drama? I don’t think I’m the drama…
Sometimes we all need to consult the group chat for advice, a rousing pep talk, or help drafting the perfect risqué message. That’s what friends are for right?
Let’s be honest, it’s only a matter of time until dating apps become the absolute bane of your existence. And when they do, deleting the dreaded apps and focusing on meeting someone the old-fashioned way feels like the only logical thing to do.
It’s a vicious cycle.