1. When an employee of the Royal Canadian Mint was found guilty of smuggling $165,000 worth of gold in his butt.
Leston Lawrence, who had vaseline and latex gloves in his locker at work, apparently smuggled 22 “gold pucks” out of the facility.
The judge — incredibly named Peter Doody — said the evidence clearly suggested that Lawrence “regularly secreted gold in his rectum.”
2. When a thief’s footsteps in fresh snow gave her away.
3. That time a Manitoba hockey player acted out his own “Florida Man” story at Disney World.
Darren Kramer, a winger who plays for the AHL’s Manitoba Moose, was arrested at Disney World in the summer after allegedly fighting a police officer and getting tased.
According to a Canadian Press report, the whole thing started when Kramer and a friend “tried to steal a decorative bowling pin display from a restaurant.”
4. When this woman planned the best road trip ever.
Speaking of Florida, this Canadian woman was caught driving on the wrong side of the road with her cat and a car full of drugs. She offered police a novel explanation for the whole thing: Canadians drive on the left side of the road.
Unfortunately, the excuse didn’t fly and Valerie Helene Godbout was charged with possession of marijuana, meth, and drug paraphernalia.
5. When a guy called 911 to complain about being stopped by police for speeding.
According to the Ottawa Citizen, the Toronto man was ticketed and his car was impounded for a week after he was caught going more than 50 km/h over the speed limit.
6. This mad caper.
A jury found three men guilty of the great maple syrup heist of 2011-12, which was the largest theft ever investigated by Quebec police.
A movie about the whole sticky affair is reportedly in the works.
7. This even weirder caper, when someone allegedly stole $17,000 worth of hand soap from a business.
Who keeps that much hand soap lying around?
8. When a would-be bank robber decided the bank was too busy for him to rob.
According to CBC News, a man wearing gloves and a bandana walked into a Newfoundland credit union wielding a knife. But after seeing how busy things were, he apparently changed his mind and walked out. Things could have just ended there, but the masked man was spotted by staff, who called police.
He was later arrested and charged. Whoops.
11. When a couple in B.C. had sex while driving. How do you even… 🤔
The couple got a ticket for their trouble, police said.
14. The time police arrested a suspect in a break-and-enter case as she was trying to escape on an ice floe.
According to police, a 25-year-old woman involved in a break-and-enter jumped on an ice floe in an effort to escape the scene of the crime. When Mounties found her, she had started a fire on the ice floe… maybe to keep warm? Or maybe to destroy the getaway vehicle?
This one’s almost too Canadian.
15. And of course, the time a guy hijacked a bus to get his late-night Timmies.
OK, this one is definitely too Canadian.