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    Ranking "Veronica Mars" Guys From "No Thanks" To "Holy Neptune"

    Grab a tall glass of water, marshmallows.

    15. Cassidy "Beaver" Casablancas

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    Oh boy, this is a tough one to rank. I was most definitely attracted to the ~dorkier~ Casablancas brother in Season 1. He was quiet, intelligent and had that charming smirk, you know? But all of that goes out the window when you consider his involvement in the bus bombing and raping Veronica.

    14. Jake Kane

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    Even though Jake Kane is one of the wealthiest men in Neptune (dude invented STREAMING VIDEO???), I still would not jump his bones. He's kind of slimy and weird β€” and I feel like he's the type to give you a quick, unsatisfying shag in which he thinks he's done a great job. I can just picture it now: He rolls over, gives you a wink and says, "Was that not the best sex you've ever had?". Ugh.

    13. Eli "Weevil" Navarro

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    I look at Weevil and my eyes go straight up to that shiny, bald head of his. It's...a choice, a bold one that really doesn't do anything for my thirst tingles. Ditto with the moustache and stubble tickling his chin.

    12. Aaron Echolls

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    Batshit craziness aside, Aaron Echolls is attractive. There's no denying that and he's definitely the sort to wine and dine, plus surprise you with a $3000 necklace from Tiffany's. But then again, he's kind of...a psycho??? And he murdered Lilly Kane. Perhaps he's best left as a one night stand.

    11. Deputy Jerry Sacks

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    I'm sorry, but I can't get over the moustache that this fine deputy is sporting. It's a dealbreaker for me. Shave it off and then maybe we can talk, Sacks.

    10. Dick Casablancas

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    I'm going to be honest and say that I absolutely hated Dick in the earlier seasons. He was, well, a dick. A pompous, narcissistic, rich dick, who was also a frat boy, which is just about as worst a combination as you can get. While he did turn a huge corner after his brother's death, he's still not my cup of tea. Although, I feel like partying with him would be fun.

    9. Max

    Warner Bros

    If we're judging based on the earlier seasons, Max was your typical geek selling illegal test papers to other students. Big pass. But later on, he really does grow into his looks and gives off big hot nerd energy, which I am extremely into. Also, he runs a weed shop called "How High Are You", which not only means he's funny, but is a BUSINESS MAN.

    8. Vinnie Van Lowe

    Warner Bros

    Ah, Vinnie β€” the annoying thorn in everyone's backside. I think he could wear me down enough that I would eventually go out for a dinner with him though. He's got a nice head of hair, some baby blues and I feel like he looks pretty fit β€” although that could just be the self-iso thirst talking.

    7. Keith Mars

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    Keith is a total sweetheart. He's protective, witty and would cook up a mean Italian feast for the first date. I'm torn though, because I can't decide whether I view him as a daddy or a Daddyβ„’, you know? But if I'm questioning my thirst, I feel like I have my answer. Sorry, daddy Mars.

    6. Duncan Kane

    Warner Bros

    I'm just going to come right out and say it: Duncan is fine. He's absolutely fine to the point where he's bland? Kind of vanilla, tbh. And that's totally fine if you're into that, but as a brown gal, I need a bit more spice in my life.

    5. Wallace Fennel

    Warner Bros

    I absolutely adore and love Wallace. He's smart, hilarious AND plays basketball. But idk, I get more of a big brother sort of vibe from him. Don't get me wrong β€” Wallace could definitely get it, especially the grown-up version (HOLY HECK!). But I feel like I want to be his best friend, rather than his lover.

    4. Cliff McCormack

    Warner Bros

    If you don't believe that Cliff is the complete daddy package, you're lying to yourself. That husky, baritone voice, those steely eyes, the witty comebacks and the unwavering loyalty to the Mars family β€” what more could you want? He's sure to treat me right and that's why I'm ready to devour this fine ass meal.

    3. Leo D'Amato

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    Leo, Leo, Leo β€” always the bridesmaid and never the bride, if you know what I mean. But that leaves him wide open for me and thank the lord because Leo deserves some much-needed love and attention. He not only looks great in a uniform (you just know he's hiding a six-pack underneath that), but's he got such a good and kind-hearted soul. Plus, who could say no to those puppy dog eyes?

    2. Stosh "Piz" Piznarski

    Warner Bros

    While I agree that Piz wasn't right for Veronica, I have a special spot for him and his swoon-worthy eyes. In fact, I feel like he's a tad underrated. If I could compare him to meal, he would be the perfect Sunday roast β€” comforting, warm and with all the trimmings. I would be happy to take a nibble of that and swap sarcastic banter with him all night long. And at the end of the day, don't we all want a Piz β€” aka someone to care of us β€” in our lives?

    1. Logan Echolls

    Warner Bros

    Come on, it's no surprise that Mr Puka Shell himself is number one. Sure, Logan was introduced as the "obligatory psychotic jackass" (Veronica's words, not mine), but he developed into so much more over the series. In fact, his entire character arc from stereotypical bad boy to buff (LOOK AT THOSE ABS!!!) Naval Intelligence Officer who goes to therapy to manage his anger issues is *Italian chef's kiss.* I was into Logan then and I'm still head over heels for him now. Really, all that's left to do is slice some bread, so I can spread one heck of a thicc layer of Logan Echolls.

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