21 Cooked Kids' Shows That Australians Grew Up With

I still can't believe these shows were allowed to air.

1. Parallax

ABC

If there was ever an Australian kids' show that could be defined as nightmare fuel, it has to be Parallax. Thanks to the multiple parallel universes (which included different versions of the same characters) and the demon-like creatures called Kremlins, it really did feel like one big, confusing fever dream.

2. Mr. Squiggle

ABC

As a character, Mr. Squiggle looked like a cautionary tale for children not to rough-house with pencils in the classroom. Honestly, what is more terrifying than a creature who's had a 2B pencil shoved through their face to replace their nose? And who could forget the manic-depressive Blackboard, with catchphrases such as "Hmmph", "Double hmmph" and "Boring". Wow, this show really had an influence on my personality. 

3. Freaky

ABC

Please tell me I'm not the only one who remembers Freaky and its kinda vibey, kinda creepy intro. It was brilliant, but also scared the shit out of me as a kid — especially since the episodes were usually shown lateish (like after 5 p.m.).

4. Gogs

ABC

Of all the cursed TV shows I watched growing up, this is the one I detested above all others. It followed a bumbling, moronic family of cavemen who were eternally pissing themselves, blowing snot bubbles, getting killed by dinosaurs and just generally causing disgusting mayhem. As an adult, I can confirm I still deeply resent this show for introducing me to some of the worst aspects of the human experience. 0/10, would not recommend.

5. Magic Mountain

ABC

If you grew up in Australia in the '90s, you're probably all too familiar with this iconic show, which told the story of Lion, Dragon, Panda and Tortoise and their adventures atop their home on — you guessed it — Magic Mountain. While on the surface it seemed like the premise of the show was fairly innocent, upon rewatching several episodes, I can now confirm, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that every animal on that mountain was stoned out of their minds.

6. Boohbah

ABC

BE 🤺 GONE 🤺 DEMONIC 🤺 CREATURE 🤺 .

Seriously though, every time this kids' show came on TV, it was like an acid trip. There were these weird, fluffy things called boohbahs, which would just dance and twirl on the screen. Sometimes they would fly, sometimes they would fart — and if they really felt like creeping you out, sometimes the boohbahs would retract their alien-like heads into their cocoon. Terrifying.

7. The Book Place

Channel 7

Kill it with fire. That's pretty much all I have to say about the infamous puppet Bookworm, who haunted The Book Place with his terrifying, fixed grin and all-seeing, unblinking eyes. If there was ever a stronger deterrent to children's love of libraries, I've not discovered it.

8. Round The Twist

ABC

The O.G. of cooked Aussie TV. Truly, the trail-blazer of absurd plot points and often terrifying, sometimes disturbing characters. Whether it was the man who served up ice cold, snotty ice-cream, or the creepy fox with lemons for eyes, or — who could forget it — the infamous propellor penis, Round The Twist is one for the Aussie history books. 

9. Plasmo

ABC

You might not remember the name, but you'll certainly never forget these ~ballsy~ characters. Plasmo not only introduced us to the cutesy, claymation characters of Plasmo and Parsty, but to the genital-faced maniac known as Coredor. Yes, this was his real face. A little bit of foreskin, a little bit of scrotum, a whole lotta vulva. I have a lot of thoughts on this. 

10. Grizzly Tales For Gruesome Kids

ABC

Although Grizzly Tales was adapted from a series of children's novels, it was low-key — wait, no, it was high-key — terrifying. The intro alone was creepy enough, with the old caretaker and snacks filled with crispy, crunchy bugs. Then you had the cautionary tales, like "The Barber Of Civil" where a hairdresser chopped off the tongues of foul-mouthed children.

In saying that, this kids' show was definitely my gateway into horror films and probably the reason why I enjoy them so much now.

11. Elly & Jools

Nine Network

Soz gen Z, only millennials will remember this oft-forgotten relic from the '90s. Elly, a ghost, was helped by Jools to try and solve her own MURDER. You know, just regular kids' things. But okay, here's the twist, the last episode revealed Elly wasn't actually murdered — and the reason she hadn't passed on was because she actually wanted to clear the name of the man accused of killing her. So happy days, she wasn't actually murdered, she was just the victim of a senseless, tragic accident. Queue the "Happily Ever After" music. 

12. Mulligrubs

Channel 10

Upon researching this show again, I discovered that a whopping 550 episodes were created, which is more than any other kids' show I can remember. But you know what the only thing I can remember from it is? This terrifying, floating, dismembered face — which occasionally rocked up on screen to narrate the program.

13. Planet Cook

ABC

File this under kids' shows that didn't mean to be cooked, but ended up being that way because they were so random. Like, there was a magic yeti called Bouma (what?), a chef and some kids cooking — and that was the basic premise of Planet Cook. I guess it was like the OG version of Junior MasterChef.

14. Soupe Opéra

ABC

Oh, to be a fly on the wall in the Soupe Opéra writer's room where they conceived this cooked kids' show about fruit and veg ~magically~ transforming into sometimes cute, but mostly cursed, animals. If you don't recognise it on sight alone, you'll no doubt remember the booming sound of an opera lady singing "SOUUUPPEEE OPERAAA" at the start of each segment.

15. Escape From Scorpion Island

CBBC / ABC

Yes, that is a young girl falling off a narrow platform while riding a scooter in the air. She's harnessed, of course — but stuff like this happened all the time on Escape From Scorpion Island. Teams of kids were pitted against one another to compete in challenges so that they could "escape" off the island. It was basically Survivor, but for kids. Or perhaps, a more tame version of The Hunger Games — minus the whole, well, dying and all that.

16. Jeopardy

ABC

Jeopardy was truly in a league of its own. Featuring shaky camcorder footage, UFOs and the isolation of the Australian bush, it was both terrifying and incredibly addictive to watch. That red-eye virus storyline will forever give me nightmares though.

17. In The Night Garden

BBC / ABC

There's a lot of, uh, deep theories about the true meaning of In The Night Garden. But regardless of what it's meant to be about, we can all agree that the characters are nothing short of terrifying. Imagine waking up suddenly in the middle of the night. It's 3 a.m. and you're wondering what roused you, when you spot a tall figure in the corner — it's Iggle Piggle waving his blanket and bell.

18. Strange Days At Blake Holsey High / Black Hole High

ABC

Let me start by saying that Black Hole High was a great kids' show. There were wormholes, a suspicious-looking janitor that definitely knew more than he was letting on and a science club that investigated strange things happening in their high school. In saying that, I feel like a lot of the "strange things" were very cooked??? Like, I totally remember one of the characters having a clone and a floating ball that had a lot of power.

19. The Tribe

Seven Network

I was trying to refresh my memory on The Tribe, when I stumbled across this perfect summary from Hypable: "This show is like the normal teen show's weird cousin who you sometimes don't invite to parties. But when you do invite them, you know you'll be entertained."

And that was totally The Tribe. From the weird plot lines to the extremely '00s looks (peep the face paint and outfits), everything about this show definitely hinged on the cooked side. We loved it, although looking back on the show, there were definitely elements of cultural appropriation that would not slide now (and for good reason!).

20. Lift Off

ABC

Ah yes, the educational whiz-bang show with memorable characters like Rocky the Frill-Neck lizard, Beverly the one-eyed plant and, who could forget, EC — the genderless, faceless and, let's be honest, soulless creature used to represent "Every Child" of Australia. It's a no from me.

21. Freaky Stories

ABC

Can we just take a moment to deal with how many of these children's shows dealt with creepy tales of death, decay and terror? Freaky Stories was no different. It recounted myths and legends as scary campfire or bedtime stories. Plus, each episode always started with the caveat: "This is a true story and it happened to a friend of a friend of mine" — so as a child, you were guaranteed nightmares for the week.

For more Aussie nostalgia, join our Facebook group!