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Updated on 30 Nov 2019. Posted on 25 Nov 2019

100 Of The Best Australian Tweets From This Decade

Bloody oath.

1.

Eddie Mcguire: For $1 million, what is your MyGov password? Me: Ah fuck

2.

me: can i take my keep cup on the bus? melbourne friend: it's melbourne, you can take your keep cup to funerals and they have a barista

3.

why does untouched by the veronicas still go so hard to this day just what the fuck was going on through their minds when they made that song, the power and international implications that it holds is astounding

4.

Sex is good but have you ever had a full term Prime Minister?

5.

๐™ฑ๐š›๐š’๐š๐š’๐šœ๐š‘ ๐š™๐šŽ๐š˜๐š™๐š•๐šŽ ๐š๐šŠ๐š•๐š” ๐š•๐š’๐š”๐šŽ ๐š๐š‘๐š’๐šœ ๐˜ˆ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ฌ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐“ข๐“น๐“ช๐“ท๐“ฒ๐“ผ๐“ฑ ๐“น๐“ฎ๐“ธ๐“น๐“ต๐“ฎ ๐“ฝ๐“ช๐“ต๐“ด ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ด๐“ฎ ๐“ฝ๐“ฑ๐“ฒ๐“ผ sฤฑษฅส‡ วสžฤฑืŸ สžืŸษส‡ วืŸdoวd uษฤฑืŸษษนส‡snษ

6.

can u imagine being one of the wiggles and trying to chase the high they felt the night they recorded fruit salad

7.

Public school culture is watching The Castle in year 11 legal studies

8.

if you wanna be my plover you gotta protect my eggs shrieking like the devil swooping never ends

9.

Things Australians do to make shit food seem fancy: -dump rocket on pizza -use black buns on burgers -chips in wire baskets -chopping boards for plates get off your bullshit and cook better

10.

every photo of an uncle in anyones 21st bday party album

11.

in australia we don't say "have you had dinner?" we say "jeet chet?" and I think that's beautiful

12.

*australian teacher voice* This is NOT ON, girls. NOT ON.

13.

rt if youโ€™re australian and youโ€™d kill a man for only $2.99 shipping https://t.co/x1fcBLbDeV

14.

15.

Found this note on the meter box this morning. Only in Australia

16.

แถœแตƒแถฐ แดต แตแต‰แต— แตƒ แต˜สฐสฐสฐสฐสฐ แถซแตƒสณแตแต‰ หขแต‰แต‰แตˆ

17.

โ€œLetโ€™s just get a roast chook and some rollsโ€ โ€” Australian summer proverb

18.

โ”โ”“ โ”ƒโ”ƒโ•ฑโ•ฒ ๐ŸŒง๐ŸŒง๐ŸŒง๐ŸŒง๐ŸŒง๐ŸŒง๐ŸŒง๐ŸŒง โ”ƒโ•ฑโ•ฑโ•ฒโ•ฒ ๐ŸŒง๐ŸŒง๐ŸŒง๐ŸŒง๐ŸŒง๐ŸŒง๐ŸŒง โ•ฑโ•ฑโ•ญโ•ฎโ•ฒโ•ฒ๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง โ–”โ–โ”—โ”›โ–•โ–” ๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง๐Ÿ’ง โ•ฑโ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ–”โ•ฒ marge the rains are here โ•ฑโ•ฑโ”โ”ณโ”“โ•ญโ•ฎโ”โ”ณโ”“ โ•ฒโ•ฒ โ–”โ–โ”—โ”ปโ”›โ”ƒโ”ƒโ”—โ”ปโ”›โ–•โ–”

19.

Australian summer weather shouldnโ€™t be measured in degrees Celsius, but in the seconds it will take for the sun to strip the flesh from your bones.

20.

21.

YOU: avengers infinity war is the most ambitious crossover event in history ME:

22.

[first season of Masterchef] Iโ€™m excited to watch everyday people explore the culinary arts. I embrace this [27th season of Masterchef] rest the salmon u piece of shit itโ€™s the hero of the fuckin dish

23.

women aren't better listeners we've just played more netball so we're practiced at saying "yep!..yep!!... yep... yep!!!...yep!" and finally "here if you need me!!!!!"

24.

Whats with all the weird chip flavours theyre bringing out these days. I miss when light n tangy was considered exotic

25.

2 minutes after opening a pack of Tim Tams https://t.co/hJXSCCvAuD

26.

27.

Friends trying to guess Australian colloquialisms: I bet you call swimwear swimmies Me: What no we say bathers. It's sort of Edwardian Friends: And the pepper in this salad, is it a peppo? Me: Capsicum, the full Latin DO NOT try to outwit the Australian dialect; you will LOSE

28.

29.

Mood: The woman sneaking into Nikki Websters performance before getting chased off

30.

Fake-woke dudes in Brunswick out here like ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜ฉ before I gaslight you ๐Ÿ’ก๐Ÿคช๐Ÿคž๐Ÿป id like to acknowledge ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธ the traditional owners ๐Ÿž๐Ÿž๐Ÿž of the land ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜‰

31.

australia really needs to invent a shazam for spiders so i can tell if this thing on the wall is a daddy longlegs or a bitey deathmaker 3000

32.

One taught me love One taught me patience And one taught me pain

33.

34.

The decline of society in Australia can be linked to the lack of 'The Simpsons' at 6.30pm weeknights on Channel 10

35.

#UniversityofAdelaide, where white boys explain things to bored looking women

36.

sydney: i'm a vacuous idiot melbourne: i'm an intolerable hipster perth: (inaudible) brisbane: bloody what's garn on adelaide: dunno aye

37.

NON-AUSTRALIAN: Mel-born AUSTRALIAN: you imbecile. you absolute fool. you wretched dunce.

38.

Australian humour: โ€œDo you think EB Games is having a sale?โ€

39.

australian: oi mate welcome to aus, try this vegemite it tastes like shit foreigner: this tastes like shit auatralian: hahaha yeah mate

40.

If you gonna be salty, at least be chicken salty

41.

Australians be like.....naur

42.

two types of people in this world: 1. The dude in front of me with $340 on his opal 2. Everyone else

43.

This is a bin chicken fighting a bush turkey, and it is excellent

44.

Perpetually disturbed by the lack of electric kettles in American households.

45.

pommy: mother may i have a sweetie australian: OI MUM GIVE US A FUCKIN CLANGER

46.

Cop: u get to make one call Me: ok but like where's my mobile this isn't 1997 i don't know any numbers except for lube mobile 13 30 32

47.

I love when melbourne cafes do that paris thing where they turn the outdoor chairs to look at the street but theyโ€™re just looking at like a clark rubber

48.

49.

kombucha tastes like fizzy bin juice vomit, don't try and convince me otherwise

50.

51.

52.

17 yr old me: 21 yr old me: 29 yr old me: 50 yr old me: 93 yr old me: โšช๏ธโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€ 0:01 -4:15 Untouched The Veronicas โ—„โ—„โ €โ–โ– โ €โ–บโ–บ ๐Ÿ”ˆโ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โšช๏ธ๐Ÿ”Š

53.

If you're at the servo and you don't say "just these thanks" when you put the stuff you're buying on the counter they're gonna think there's heaps more shit you want.

54.

in australia we don't say "i love you" we say "fuck off cunt or ill smash ya" and i think it's truly beautiful

55.

me: CHUCK IT ON MY HECS person: this is oportos ma'am, we don't have hecs

56.

you can name any rural town in australia and say "they've got a bloody good pasty there" and no one will ever challenge you

57.

who will let me make an australian version of derry girls called durry girls

58.

do any of you aussies ever just not know how to explain a slang word a foreigner doesnโ€™t understand because it seems normal to you

59.

60.

I made a handy guide so Americans can understand weather reports in Celsius: 0 = Literally freezing 10 = Chilly 20 = Nice 30 = Hot 40 = Fuck you 50 = Australia

61.

62.

learning about drugs and sex from a talking giraffe called harold in the back of a suspicious van at school is aussie culture

63.

sure, sex is great. but have you ever? ever felt like this? how strange things happen. are you going round the twist?

64.

Australian culture is singing HEYYYYY HEYYYY BABYYY OOOHHH AHHHH I JUST WANNA KNOW IF YOULL BE MY GIRLLLL

65.

Gonna start carrying tongs in my car so when I donโ€™t get close enough to drive thru ticket scanners, I donโ€™t need to climb through the window or get out of the car and be judged by longer limbed people who got the proximity correct

66.

Foreigners think we're all scared of spiders and snakes where the reality is we live in perpetual terror of this email

67.

africans. australians west indians. asians south americans. brits ๐Ÿค milo ???? americans

68.

before I put any pair of shoes on I make sure there isnโ€™t any spiders inside is that Aussie culture or just me culture

69.

Australian Cuisine by Decade: 80s - Apricot chicken. Vol au vents. Kabana & cheese hedgehogs. 90s - Sundried tomato focaccia. Wedges with sweet chilli sauce and sour cream. 00s - The Dukkah and Olive Oil Years. 10s - Everybody just eats burgers now. 20s - All food is poison.

70.

You, a basic: choke me daddy Me, an intellectual: Donโ€™t chop the dinosaur daddy! ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

71.

I just got absolutely done in by the magpie that lives on my street. Fucken hell. I thought she was my friend.

72.

just saw the moment a teen realised heโ€™d worn his uniform on a mufti day. Tough to watch someoneโ€™s life derail like that

73.

Being Australian is knowing that 'Brisbane' and 'Melbourne' rhyme, despite all indications to the contrary

74.

75.

high school children at the school swimming carnival canteen literally only want one thing and itโ€™s fucking disgusting

76.

I actually stepped on a Bull Ant a few weeks ago and got a huge bite so I welcome the Budget's ant eradication programs

77.

The boy from last night just slid into my DMs and told me I had a nice โ€œdown underโ€ I donโ€™t know if heโ€™s referring to my accent or my ass

78.

me: I'm gonna get a full nights sleep tonight! also me at 3 am blasting Untouched by the Veronicas:

79.

No one: Absolutely no one: Absolutely Everybody: Vanessa Amorosi

80.

What does it say about the Australian psyche that when you order three potato scallops/cakes/fritters you automatically expect four and if you donโ€™t get four some secret covenant has been broken?

81.

did anyone else have that rumour in primary school that maccas cheeseburger buns had so much sugar in them, they have to put the pickle on or else it legally has to be called a dessert?? As if thereโ€™s like dessert laws

82.

i just suddenly remembered that the government gave us a free laptop in year 9 and all i did on it for four years was use onenote and play bubble struggle

83.

84.

Two things Sydney trains are good at: 1. Being late 2. Pumping the AC at 16 degrees in winter

85.

when they finally make Pokemon Australia

86.

I love little cultural differences, like how Americans are super offended by the word cunt but here in Australia we're super offended by school children being slaughtered with automatic weapons

87.

I just found out that loads of Australians call slides โ€œslippery dipsโ€. Fuck you people are weird

88.

Looking for Alibrandi subtitles struggling to understand the aussie accent saying โ€˜Youโ€™re my type of chickโ€™, instead transforming it into some sort of weird English pleasantry

89.

Dystopian worldbuilding: people eat mostly a foodstuff made from one kind of easily grown monocrop, like corn or wheat. It comes unflavoured, in rectangular bricks, because that shape stacks efficiently, no wasted space, for transport & storage. Eating it is considered patriotic

90.

The Great Barrier Reef and I have a lot in common

91.

I was just told instead of โ€˜taxiโ€™ Americans yell โ€˜party foulโ€™ when someone drops a glass and Iโ€™m losing my fucking mind here

92.

โ€œwhatโ€™s Halloween like in Australia?โ€

93.

i hate when ppl say Australians have no culture like um try again sweetie ;)

94.

The thing about Halloween in Australia is I can never tell if the massive amounts of cobwebs and spiders strung across peopleโ€™s front yards are decorations or real.

95.

me: hi, just need to send this package to my aunt, thanks. post office: cool, is there any chance at all you want to buy a sewing machine, kitchen deep fryer, small feeding doll or jigsaw puzzle of scenic regional australia? Please.

96.

Good luck to all the kids with their HSC exams starting today. The fact that most of you were born in 2001/2002 fucking sickens me.

97.

98.

Send the asteroid https://t.co/WyMuTy4rca

99.

Aussie hip hop be like: โ€œitโ€™s no fucken worries if I see yous in maccas eatin mcflurries, Iโ€™ll kick ya in yer nurries and steal all your durriesโ€

100.

Perks of living in Melbourne: 24/7 Ramen 24/7 kbbq 24/7 Kmart 24/7 Maccas Perks of living in Sydney: 24/7 train delays

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