I Decided If These 13 Iconic Vampires Are Sexy, Scary, Or Sad And You Can't Change My Mind

Is anyone else scared of Count von Count?

Last month, I made a poll asking the community whether these 13 vampires were scary, sexy, or just plain sad.

Now, it's time for me to share my two cents on the subject.

Summit Entertainment

Warning: there may be some super mild spoilers about these vampires ahead. Proceed at your own caution!

1. Edward Cullen from The Twilight Saga

Summit Entertainment

My thoughts: Ah, Edward Cullen. He is arguably the most significant vampire in modern film and television, which makes him the perfect place to start. Too bad that he's not that interesting. In fact, he's actually really boring. He's also stuck as a teenager forever and that sounds awful.

Verdict: Sad

2. Count Dracula from Dracula

Universal International Pictures

My thoughts: Step aside Edward, because Count Dracula is *actually* the most iconic vampire ever. He's supposedly inspired by the 15th century prince called Vlad the Impaler, which is intense. I wouldn't call him particularly appealing though; he's missing that boyish charm.

Verdict: Scary

3. Stefan Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries

The CW

My thoughts: Another teenage vampire icon, Stefan Salvatore. I said it before and I'll say it again: it is not cool to be barely post-pubescent for all eternity. There is also the fact that Stefan has earned himself the nickname 'Ripper,' which doesn't bode well. Lots of red flags here.

Verdict: Scary

4. Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries

The CW

My thoughts: Finally, not a boy vampire but a man vampire. Hello, Damon Salvatore! He is everything the modern vampire male should be: he's sarcastic, intense, a little mysterious and very charming. Yes, his past isn't squeaky clean, but he's no Ripper either.

Verdict: Sexy

5. Bill Compton from True Blood

HBO

My thoughts: I'm sorry, Sookie; I do not see what you see in Vampire Bill. When it comes to being a boyfriend, he's dull and possessive. When it comes to vampire matters, he's deceitful and manipulative. Plus he's a former Confederate soldier. Overall? Not a good look.

Verdict: Sad

6. Eric Northman from True Blood

HBO

My thoughts: I know I just gave Bill a hard time for his mistakes, but I am going to give Eric a pass here. Yes, Eric has done some pretty awful things (just ask Lafayette), but he has also shown to be affectionate and loyal especially in season four. Plus, his face is nice to look at.

Verdict: Sexy

7. Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

The WB

My thoughts: Angel is just okay as far as characters go — he's hot and cold with Buffy and not very interesting in general. That being said, he is Buffy's first love and that is special. It seems like, to me at least, there were a lot of missed opportunities when it came to Angel in the original series.

Verdict: Sad

8. Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

The WB

My thoughts: Spike is another great example of the modern vampire heartthrob. He's charismatic, moody, and dangerous. He is a complex character who brings out the best in Buffy, and can actually handle taking Buffy to bed, as opposed to somebody else we know...

Verdict: Sexy

9. Eric Brooks from Blade

New Line Cinema

My thoughts: Eric Brooks, better known as Blade, gets the best of both worlds when it comes to being a vampire because he is actually a hybrid. He's technically a Dhampir, and his dual nature means that he has all the good parts about being a vampire but none of the bad ones. Good for him!

Verdict: Sexy

10. Lestat de Lioncourt from Interview with the Vampire

Warner Bros.

My thoughts: I'm about to go off for a second: this man has zero redeeming qualities. He is a predator and a sociopath who loves to bring out the worst in people. His progeny Louis might be harder to characterize, but there is no doubt in my mind when it comes to Lestat.

Verdict: Scary

11. Louis de Pointe du Lac from Interview with the Vampire

Warner Bros.

My thoughts: This is a hard one because Louis here could probably be classified as sexy or sad. He starts as a sexy sad human, and his sexiness and sadness only intensify after becoming a vampire. Even though it's close, I do think Louis leans more one way than the other. He has this strong sense of loneliness about him and while yes, he makes it sexy, ultimately it's just sad.

Verdict: Sad

12. Viago Von Dorna Schmarten Scheden Heimburg from What We Do In the Shadows

Paramount Pictures

My thoughts: None of the three options quite fit my guy Viago here, but I couldn't stop myself from giving him a shout out. So, we'll make a new category for him. This vampire is sweet. He's a good roommate, he's dedicated to his mortal lover even as she enters old age, and he cleans. He's the sweetest vampire on this list by far.

Verdict: Sweet

13. Count von Count from Sesame Street

PBS

My thoughts: He may be on Sesame Street, but I'm going to tell you why I don't trust Count von Count. I thought math was supposed to be easy, as easy as "1,2,3." And it is not. And I do not trust liars!

Verdict: Scary

Did you agree with my ranking? Tell me in the comments below how you would've ranked these vampires!

Paramount Pictures