76 Thoughts Every Cyclist Has Had When Out For A Ride
1. Right, let's do this!
2. It's such a lovely day.
3. Not sure I can be bothered.
4. This is bullshit.
5. I don't know if I even enjoy cycling.
6. I could be watching Saturday Kitchen.
7. With a fry-up.
8. And a mug of tea.
9. On the couch. Mmm couch.
10. Is it too early to crack into that Snickers yet?
11. Long-sleeve or short-sleeve... Should have gone long.
12. Did I put the Snickers in my jersey pocket?
13. My knees feel creaky.
14. Come on, leg up, leg down, leg up, leg down.
15. Agh broken glass!
16. I hate hills.
17. I love hills.
18. Mmm, smell the fresh country air and look at the beautiful trees.
19. Oh my god! Look at the view! This is so gorgeous.
20. Ah this isn't so bad.
21. Oh it is lovely to be outside.
22. Wonder if I'll get a tan?
23. Those guys have got really cool jerseys.
24. I wonder if I could join a cycling club.
25. They probably laugh me out of the clubhouse. If they have a clubhouse?
26. Arse, I forgot to oil the gears. I could never join a cycling club.
27. That noise is going to bother me.
28. Perhaps it's time to upgrade my bike.
29. I could do up an old frame.
30. Wonder if I can remember my LFGSS forum password.
31. Have my thigh muscles grown?
32. Ooof huge lorry coming, sloo-ooow down.
33. God that never stops being slightly terrifying.
34. Are my friends in front or behind me?
35. Probably behind, maybe I should slow down.
36. Oh shit, they're in front of me.
37. Here goes off-seat cycling! Why is there no English word for en danseuse?
38. This is fun, I feel like Bradley Wiggins.
39. But without the sideburns.
40. Right, catching up now.
41. And why is my mate looking so spritely?
43. I'm gonna overtake her.
44. Oh look at that squashed bird/squirrel/rabbit.
45. Maybe I could take up taxidermy?
46. I could be a taxidermy artist, it would be like making a statement about something.
47. Oh god. Help, I'm trapped inside my own mind!
49. I hate this. I might try and cycle into a ditch and then I can go home.
50. Just swerve straight in, I really don't want to carry on.
51. Sooooooo over this.
52. Oh. I need a snack.
53. Why are there no sweet shops on these freakin country lanes?
54. Just going to elegantly grab a bit of flapjack from my jersey.
57. That's it, in the gob.
58. Such good oaty sustenance!
59. I feel much better, who do I always forget to bow down to the flapjack gods?
60. Oh well this cycling lark is a real pleasure, what a wonderful thing to do.
61. Hello there Mr Fellow Cyclist Man and Ms Fellow Cyclist Woman, good day to
62. Hmph, they must have needed a bit of flapjack.
63. Can't wait till we get to the pub, I'm gonna to have fish and chips.
64. Or a pie.
65. Or a burger.
66. And a pint.
67. Of your finest ale.
68. Maybe TWO pints.
69. So glad I decided to wear my padded cycle shorts.
70. I really need to get some SPD's though.
71. I should do this EVERY WEEKEND.
72. I'm gonna get everyone out for another cycle next Saturday.
74. Glad I went with short sleeves.
75. I love cycling.