66 Thoughts You Have While Watching A Filipino Soap Opera

"Commercial break NA NAMAN?!"

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1. D'yos ko, it's starting! *turns up the volume*

2. Oh, okay. Flashbacks. It's not like I didn't watch this yesterday, but go on.

3. Yes! For real na talaga. Here we go!

4. Why does this protagonist girl look so good all the time?

5. I mean, she's the bida. Sobrang stressed from all the shit she's going through, di ba?!

6. I don't even have half the ~problems~ she has, but here I am, looking like a potato.

7. Ayan. She's CRYING and still looks SO. DAMN. GOOD.

8. When I cry, mukha akong kubeta. As in toilet.

9. She's not even smudging her make-up. ANG DAYA.

10. She's bawling about how she can't find a job to support her family, pero her eyebrows are ON 👏 FLEEK 👏 #taray!

11. And don't even get me started on the protagonist guy. He's so bae.

12. I'll call him #KuyaBae

13. He's so hot.

14. PAKSHET. Like, super hot…

15. …

16. LOL. I spaced out for a minute there. Anyare na?

17. Oh right, here's the girl trying to flirt with #KuyaBae.

18. Ate, I'm so pissed at you right now, but I'm gonna have to chill.

19. I mean, you'll suffer a horrible downfall at the end of the show because siyempre, it's Philippine television.

20. Even if #AteBae dies or gets amnesia, the writers will always find a way. That's just how it is in this part of the world.

21. Plus her brows are still better than yours, even though you're 1000% more ~financially stable~ than her.

22. Susmaryosep! Commercial break agad?!

23. Hmm, OK. Should I get a snack?

24. I mean, I only had five cups of rice for dinner…

25. Mangga at bagoong sounds so G O O D right now.

26. Or maybe I should order some Jollibee take-out?

27. Oh never mind. Show's back on!

28. God, why do these rich people have to wear their Sunday best all the fucking time?

29. And with full on make up?!

30. And heavy, clunky jewellery???

31. They're not even doing something important!

32. Like, they're at home having BREAKFAST.

33. Wait. Sino 'to? Who's this character again?

34. Oh, right. She's the friend of the cousin of the father of the neighbor of #KuyaBae's ex-girlfriend.

35. Next scene na, please. This is so painful to watch. Lord, di ko kaya 'to.

36. Sabi ko, "next scene," hindi commercial break nanaman!

37. *sings show's theme song in my head*

38. *then out loud*

39. Ay. Sorry, 'Nay.

40. Now here's #AteBae with a guy she's totally gonna ~friendzone~ later. CLASSIC.

41. He's great naman and also gwapo pero, like, he's not #KuyaBae.

42. I guess all I'm saying is, "Ganda mo, 'te! IKAW NA!"

43. S'ya nga pala, why are they using all these deep Tagalog words for everyday conversation? "Adhikain" daw!

44. What is this, the 60's? ANG LALIM.

45. This can't be real. People can't be this honest about their feelings all the damn time.

46. UGH. Sobrang drama naman. This is exhausting.

47. Whoa, confrontation scene coming up!

48. AYAN NAAAA!!!

49. 'YAN! SIGE PA—wait. What the hell?! COMMERCIAL NANAMAN?

50. There should be a limit to the number of commercial breaks a show is allowed to have.

51. Like, they should write a bill just for that.

52. Kasalanan 'to ni PNoy, eh! #ThanksPNoy

53. Okay, show's back on. #AteBae is about to get bitch slapped by #KuyaBae's condescending mom.

54. Great. Good. Just shout at each other's faces, why don't you.

55. Never mind that you're literally just two inches apart from each other. Sigawan lang.

56. And never mind that you're in the middle of a crowded venue where, apparently, there's supposed to be a very solemn event going on.

57. Ay hala! Syetttt, that was a hard hit! Ang tapang!

58. Aw, don't cry, #AteBae.

59. I mean, just because you still look fabulous crying doesn't mean you should.

60. #KuyaBae to the rescue! <3 <3 <3

61. See? Now everything's all right.

62. Or not. Now they're the ones fighting.

63. Dammit, #AteBae! How about not making life so miserable for yourself for once?

64. He's just trying to be there for you! Y U MAD??

65. I HATE THIS SHOW.

66. AND I LITERALLY CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW'S EPISODE.

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