Everyone currently conscious knows intergalactic icon Kim Kardashian, yes?
OK good.
Because she needs our help.
She, who beautifully taught our troops how to take selfie...
Our Lady of Taking the Flawless Bathroom Selfie...
Our Lady of Might I Feeleth Mine Look...
Her eyes were closed and I was feeling my look! Can I live?!?!
Is. Friends. With. Sam. Smith.
Sam Smith... Our Sire of Gay Respectability...
Sam Smith talks Grindr: "I miss the mystery of dating" http://t.co/VLMsV1SJvu
Our Sire of I Misseth the Mystery in Dating Except When I Want to Talketh About Myself...
Sam Smith has been talking about his breakup longer than the actual relationship lasted.
Sire of Can You Let Beyoncé Sing Her Own Songs?
One photo with him was enough. But then she went to his concert.
And she shared a drink of potion from his cauldron.
And left her family in his care.
And where is she now? In public restrooms. Taking selfies. PROBABLY IN A GODDAMN MCDONALD'S.
I know what you're thinking. She's feeling his music. Can she live?!
Yes, but only in the wilds of the tundra like a Kardashian is meant to.
Come back to us, Kim. Sam Smith does not make music for which one can twerketh to.
