In his interview for the September issue of Esquire, Miles Teller had a lot to say. Like the fact that he literally has four teeth. And that he refers to Joaquin Phoenix as "Joaq."
In the interview, he talks about actors he admires, saying, "If I'm really homing in on the dramatic performance right now, it's probably Christian Bale or it's Joaq... I just said Joaq. Joaquin Phoenix. I don't know him, but my publicist has repped him since he was, like, seventeen. She repped River, too. So I just hear his name."
Joaq? Joaq. OK.
Well, if Joaquin Phoenix is "Joaq"... what would Miles Teller call other celebrities? Probably this:
Tayo
You know what goes in Thousand Island dressing? Tayo.
Hep
Audrey Hepburn was around in the '60s, she'd be real jazz, real beatnik, a real Hep(burn) Cat.
Roc
Pronounced Roque, in a faux French accent. Because if Miles Teller met Rock Hudson, it would have been at a café (bistro? restaurant?) in Paris.
Jay
Well, this one is actually acceptable.
War
War! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, except for referring to Warren Beatty.
Chi
And everytime Chiwetel Ejiofor sees Miles Teller he'll say, "You know I'm from England, yes?" And Miles will just laugh and say "The Chi!"
5
Appropriate now that this is the amount 50 Cent currently has in his bank account.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
The subsequent z's are silent.
Bey
Pronounced "BAY." 😒
Quvenzhané Wallis
Just so you know that he knows how to pronounce it.
Miles Teller
Because the one celebrity Miles will never be able to meet is himself. And if he were able to, by some time travel or marvel of future science, he'd have to call him by his full name.
