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If Stephen King's Carrie Were In "Sex And The City"

They're all gonna laugh at your outfits!

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Ira Madison III for BuzzFeed / Via United Artists / HBO

"When I first moved to New York and I was totally broke, I couldn't afford taxis. But now, I catch a taxi with my mind. You see, I have telekinesis."

"I didn't have too many girlfriends..."

United Artists

"...until I met Samantha, who had no filter. She told me the real key to master New York is mastering yourself. So I gave it a try. After all, could I really be a modern woman if I wasn't living a modern sex life?"

"While Samantha was busy loving herself, my girlfriend Miranda wasn't convinced that love even exists."

"I was starting to believe her until I met the last available man in New York who wasn't gay... Tommy. He looked like a model straight out of Fashion Week, he was prettier than me. I shouldn't have fallen for him but I did."

United Artists

"Charlotte took me to a yoga class to boost my self-esteem when I approached Tommy."

HBO

"Either I had miscalculated my period or I had broken my vagina too. Maybe yoga wasn't for us."

United Artists

"So I had to get a dress. Samantha went with me. She only cared about what she wore."

HBO

“Luckily one of the sales girls convinced me that Tommy would like me in anything. She helped me see that in the quest for beauty in New York, we always miss the beauty already inside of us. And it's always on sale."

United Artists

"So I put on some lipstick and decided to embrace everything the city had to offer. I was ready to take New York."

United Artists

"I showed up to the dance and had a good time with Samantha and her gay friends."

HBO

"But Miranda saw my romance with Tommy..."

"...and having just discovered Steve cheated on her, lashed out."

HBO

"So she taught me a harsh lesson about how unforgiving New York can be."

United Artists

"Samantha told me NOT to stand for that."

HBO

"So I finally stood up to Miranda and the who's who of New York. It was time to start living by my own rules..."

United Artists

"...and I learned that when you get burned in life, that's when your true self emerges from the ashes."

United Artists

"But that didn't mean that when Charlotte was questioning her own life amidst New York's byzantine rules..."

"...that I wouldn't always be there to lend a helping hand! After all, that's what girlfriends are for."

United Artists
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