back to top

We’ve updated our privacy notice and cookie policy. Learn more about cookies, including how to disable them, and find out how we collect your personal data and what we use it for.

If "Gossip Girl" Characters Were Dating Apps

You can tell Jesus these bitches don't use Christian Mingle.

Posted on

The League

Blair Waldorf is the ultimate in elite parties thrown at the Hamptons, sponsored by Vitamin Water, with Tinsley Mortimer wandering aimlessly. Just like The League she decides who gets let into her inner circle through a pre-screening process. She hates finance bros, but she'll put up with one if he's wealthy enough.

Tinder

Jenny Humphrey with her smoky eye and constant sobbing and screwing up is awfully reminiscent of the dudes who won't stop badgering you on Tinder when you don't respond favorably to "come sit on my face" or lash out at you for writing a Vanity Fair article.

Advertisement

How About We

Vanessa Abrams is constantly up in other people's business, telling other people's business, and making you watch her damn student films. So she's perfect for How About We where you have to wade through people's long-ass ideas of what their perfect date is.

Advertisement

Plenty of Fish

Serena van der Woodsen is a messy kween. When she's not drunk, having affairs, or waking up in crashed cars and motel rooms, she's looking for love in all the wrong places. Which is why Plenty of Fish, the Craigslist ad of apps, is basically her.

Hinge

Gossip Girl herself, Dan Humphrey, is the psycho who's been stalking everyone for years and keeping track of their every move. He's basically Hinge, which allows people to background check you by getting information from your mutual friends. An app that runs on snitches, just like Gossip Girl. XOXO.

Jack'd

Jack Bass is hot AF and looks like you'll give it to you all night. As Jack'd he's sexy and fit, but a less homogenous version than Grindr, and he doesn't discriminate when it comes to what you look like or where you're from. Jack is just horny.

Ashley Madison

From Chuck Bass' sleazy intro in the pilot, to nights at Victor Victrola, to his multitude of affairs, he's def the IRL version of Ashley Madison, the site that helps people cheat on their spouses.