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I Am Sexually Attracted To Macklemore And I Need Help

Wondering if 1-800-CHARTER is still active.

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Anyway, Macklemore died for our sins and got the SCOTUS to legalize same-sex marriage.

He even apologized to Kendrick Lamar for stealing a Grammy from him.

A move that Drake, who be knowing, called "wack as fuck."

So, needless to say...

If only #MacklemoreJoinedISIS were true, and he could take Kanye and Kim with him.

But then, something troubling happened. I attended the VMAs and was fully prepared to skip Macklemore's new single "Downtown"* to get drinks at the concession stand, when this happened:


Then the worst thing ever happened that night:

Is this a safe space to admit I had a sex dream about Macklemore last night

And I did not find support:


My mentions were destroyed:


I think I've watched this video over 70 times in less than 48 hours.

View this video on YouTube

Writing to Scruff McGruff in Chicago, Illinois, 60652 won't help.