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    Posted on Jan 30, 2015

    Ranking 33 Classic Hollywood Leading Men

    As only a gay man and a straight man could decide.

    by ,

    Resident BuzzFeed gay Ira Madison III recently sat down with straight male Javier Moreno, fresh off his visit to the AVN Awards, to rank a different kind of porn — studs from Hollywood's golden age of cinema. Here are the results:

    Ira Madison III for BuzzFeed / Via Getty Images

    33. James Cagney

    Getty Images / Hulton Archive

    Notable Films: The Public Enemy, Angels With Dirty Faces

    Javier Moreno: When you called him a Dick Tracy villain, I thought he actually was Flattop. That was such a horrible movie.

    Ira Madison III: First of all, Dick Tracy is iconic.

    Javi: Maybe Warren Beatty. Madonna was in it, right?

    Ira: Madonna was perfect. Also, I retract my Flattop comment. He looks like the Spider-Man villain Hammerhead.

    Javi: Hell yeah! He even has the same pinstripe suit.

    32. Robert Mitchum

    Getty Images / Pictorial Parade

    Notable Films: Cape Fear (1962 version), Crossfire

    Ira: So, he has an... interesting look.

    Javi: I was gonna say that too. He's got that "hey, wanna see something?" look and you know it's not gonna be good.

    Ira: Bless the time when male actors were cast purely on their talent.

    31. Joseph Cotten

    Getty Images / Hulton Archive

    Notable Films: Shadow of a Doubt, The Magnificent Ambersons, The Third Man

    Ira: I don't actually think he looks half bad.

    Javi: He has the name of a prison guard and the look of a stepdad.

    Ira: Um... I watch a lot of gay porn about stepdads and their sons.

    30. Spencer Tracy

    Getty Images Hulton Archive

    Notable Films: Father of the Bride, Boys Town, Adam's Rib

    Javi: He has the look of that era, but in all the bad ways. He's not handsome.

    Ira: I'm just gonna be honest, Katharine Hepburn is the one who gave him sex appeal.

    29. John Wayne

    Getty Images Archive Photos

    Notable Films: Stagecoach, The Alamo, The Searchers

    Ira: John Wayne is, like, the classic #masc straight guy. Which must have appealed to people in the '50s who wanted to fuck a rugged cowboy.

    Javi: I don't think John Wayne was ever young-looking.

    Ira: No, he came out the womb smoking Marlboros.

    28. Richard Burton

    Getty Images / Evening Standard

    Notable Films: Cleopatra, The Robe, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

    Javi: He's kind of a semi-handsome middle manager at a bank. He probably spits when he talks and smells like aftershave.

    Ira: I can't think of Burton without seeing him as George opposite Elizabeth Taylor and that is...not a good look.

    27. David Niven

    Getty Images / FPG

    Notable Films: Casino Royale, A Matter of Life and Death, The Bishop's Wife

    Javi: He's nonthreatening. Like your parents' friend from church.

    Ira: Those people tend to be the creepiest — what did David Niven ever do to you?

    Javi: I totally forgot he was James Bond.

    Ira: Does that movie even count?

    26. Robert Taylor

    Getty Images / Hulton Archive

    Notable Films: Waterloo Bridge, Ivanhoe, Camille, Johnny Eager

    Javi: He's not bad-looking, but I feel like there's an even more handsome man hiding behind that overly manicured mustache.

    Ira: He does kinda look the villain in a Disney Channel original movie.

    25. Glenn Ford

    Pictorial Parade / Getty Images

    Notable Films: Gilda, 3:10 to Yuma (1957 version)

    Javi: This is a white Ricky Ricardo.

    24. Charles Boyer

    Getty Images / FPG

    Notable Films: Gaslight, Algiers

    Ira: I can only think of him as the creepy husband in Gaslight.

    Javi: He's a solid five. He's just OK.

    Ira: But he's a 10 on the Would Probably Murder His Father For His Money Scale.

    23. Kirk Douglas

    Getty Images / Hulton Archive

    Notable Films: Spartacus, The Bad and the Beauiful, Paths of Glory

    Ira: I feel like he gets points simply because he is still not dead.

    Javi: He has really great features. He had Nickelodeon hair before there was even a Nickelodeon.

    Ira: He had lunches in Jurassic Park hair before there was a Jurassic Park.

    22. Dean Martin

    Getty Images / Hulton Archive

    Notable Films: Ocean's 11, Rio Bravo, At War with the Army

    Javi: Not a bad-looking guy, but his talent and style are definitely the reason he's so high.

    Ira: Yeah, I mean, Dean Martin could sing me to sleep, but he has to find another bed to crawl into when I pass out.

    21. Fred Astaire

    oopswrongcentury.tumblr.com

    Notable Films: Top Hat, Swing Time, The Gay Divorcee

    Javi: He dressed to the nines and he's an actual dancer. He dances in a tux — that has to mean something.

    Ira: Yeah, Fred Astaire is, like, the top tier of Hollywood's classic go-go boys. You don't necessarily need to see him shirtless but damn can he work the pole.

    20. Tyrone Power

    Getty Images Hulton Archive

    Notable Films: Zorro, Blood and Sand, Witness for the Prosecution

    Javi: I can believe you have him ranked over Fred Astaire.

    Ira: I mean, I would hit up Tyrone Power Bottom on Grindr so fucking hard.

    Javi: Tyrone gets you in a lot of places. That's not a weak name at all.

    Ira: I guess this was back before black people appropriated the name. Look at that, even black people can culturally appropriate!

    Javi: He played Zorro. Did they not have Latino actors back then?

    Ira: I think much like in 2015, Hollywood would prefer their Latinos cleaning up the studio and not starring in their movies.

    19. Henry Fonda

    Getty Images / Hulton Archive

    Notable Films: 12 Angry Men, The Grapes of Wrath, The Lady Eve

    Ira: If this were Jane Fonda instead of her father, she'd be at No. 1.

    18. Humphrey Bogart

    Warner Bros.

    Notable Films: Casablanca, The Maltese Falcon, To Have and Have Not, The Big Sleep, The African Queen

    Javi: He's so fucking cool. I want to hang out with him.

    Ira: I wish I were Sam so he could tell me to play it again. And again. And again.

    17. Laurence Olivier

    Getty Images / Sasha

    Notable Films: Wuthering Heights, Hamlet, Rebecca, The Prince and the Showgirl

    Javi: He's fresh to death? I don't know what else to say about him.

    Ira: I honestly wish he were alive now to Cumbersnatch Benedict's edges.

    Javi: Wait...he played Othello?

    Ira: Let's not talk about that.

    16. James Stewart

    Getty Images / Hulton Archive

    Notable Films: It's a Wonderful Life, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Rear Window, Philadelphia Story

    Javi: I can tell he's one of those people who is even better-looking in real life. Like, his pictures are great but he was probably even better in person. I wonder if he got laid a lot.

    Ira: Are you attracted to Jimmy Stewart?

    Javi: I find him attractive, but I'm not thirsty for him.

    Ira: I will admit to hating It's a Wonderful Life, but Rear Window...I have never wanted to spin anyone's wheels more.

    15. Gregory Peck

    Getty Images / Archive Photos

    Notable Films: To Kill a Mockingbird, Roman Holiday, Gentleman's Agreement

    Ira: Daddy.

    Javi: The guy probably got more ass than a toilet seat.

    Ira: JAVI.

    14. Gary Cooper

    markgsmusings.blogspot.com

    Notable Films: High Noon, Sergeant York, For Whom the Bell Tolls

    Ira: He is literally a doppelgänger for Chris Evans. If the CW show Ringer had starred him and Chris, it would've ran for 19 seasons.

    Javi: Chris Evans is probably a time traveler. Either that or he's, like, Captain America for real and was frozen in a block of ice until the 2000s.

    13. Frank Sinatra

    Kypros / Rex/REX USA

    Notable Films: The Manchurian Candidate, The Man with the Golden Arm, Ocean's 11

    Ira: I've never been more turned on by a mugshot. If Twitter were around in the '30s, he'd have been the original #FelonCrushFriday.

    12. Yul Brynner

    Getty Images / Archive Photos

    Notable Films: The Ten Commandments, The King and I, The Magnificent Seven

    Javi: The Ten Commandments isn't a Charlton Heston movie. It's a Yul Brynner movie and a Charlton Heston movie. He does kinda have resting bitchface, though.

    Ira: People were probably always rubbing his head to get their futures told...I don't know, I'd be pissed too.

    11. Errol Flynn

    Getty Images / Sasha

    Notable Films: The Adventures of Robin Hood, Captain Blood, The Sun Also Rises

    Javi: He's my favorite Tasmanian outside of the Devil and Rebel Wilson. I've heard rumors that he was a lothario...

    Ira: If by "lothario" you mean "RAPIST," then yes.

    Javi: He was acquitted.

    Ira: You know, if we're being honest, half of this list would probably be rotting in prison if TMZ existed in the '40s.

    10. Gene Kelly

    Sony Pictures

    Notable Films: Singin' in the Rain, An American in Paris, Anchors Aweigh

    Javi: GEEENE. GEEEENE.

    Ira: What is wrong with you?

    Javi: Remember the '90s X-Men cartoon where Wolverine would always say Jean Grey's name like "JEEEEEAAAAAN?"

    Ira: Bye, Javi.

    9. Burt Lancaster

    AFP / Getty Images

    Notable Films: From Here to Eternity, The Killers, Sweet Smell of Success

    Ira: THIS GIF SAYS IT ALL THO:

    Columbia Pictures

    8. Cary Grant

    gifhunts11.tumblr.com

    Notable Films: North by Northwest, To Catch a Thief, Bringing Up Baby

    Ira: A lot is said about Hitchcock's leading ladies, but his leading men are all GORGEOUS. Jimmy Stewart. Anthony Perkins. Ray Milland. And the cream of the crop, Cary Grant.

    Javi: He's cooler than the other side of the pillow.

    Ira: Where are you getting these phrases. Is this a Texas thing?

    Javi: You've NEVER heard of that phrase?

    Ira: I guess. Fine. Whatever.

    7. Clark Gable

    williamclarkgable.tumblr.com

    Notable Films: Gone With the Wind, It Happened One Night, The Misfits

    Javi: Minus the racist undertones in Gone With the Wind, he's the archetype for the Southern gentleman.

    Ira: I still have STRONG FEELINGS about Gone With the Wind beating The Wizard of Oz for Best Picture, but there's no denying that Clark Gable is hot as hell.

    Javi: He is the only guy who could get away with that mustache.

    Ira: I'd like to imagine a world where Tennessee Williams was having a torrid affair with Clark Gable and all of Tennessee's plays are about him.

    6. Montgomery Clift

    Getty Images / Archive Photos

    Notable Films: A Place in the Sun, From Here to Eternity, Red River

    Javi: I had no idea who Montgomery Clift was until today.

    Ira: I hope you are grateful for this education, because Montgomery is fine as fuck.

    Javi: All these men we've been looking at today have made me feel worse about myself and how we look as a society today.

    Ira: Agreed.

    Javi: He's almost Tom Cruise-ish...

    Ira: Girl.

    5. Sidney Poitier

    Getty Images

    Notable Films: Blackboard Jungle, A Raisin in the Sun, Lilies of the Field

    Javi: There's something remarkably calming about him. If I had a sister, I'd want her to date him.

    Ira: I mean, Sidney always looks like he's gonna pat you on the head, and rock you to sleep, and tell you not to worry about those student loans.

    4. James Dean

    Warner Bros.

    Notable Films: Rebel Without a Cause, Giant, East of Eden

    Javi: People saying James Franco looks like James Dean is, like, the ultimate compliment to Franco.

    Ira: Frano fucking wishes.

    Javi: He perfected that squint.

    Ira: Yes, we have James Dean to thank for the prevalence of the White Boy Squint on Instagram. But he did it so well. He's literally, like, the ultimate twentysomething and actors are never going to stop trying to be him, the same way every actress just waits for the day a magazine calls her up to do a Marilyn Monroe photo shoot.

    3. Rock Hudson

    SNAP/Rex/REX USA
    SNAP / Rex/REX USA

    Notable Films: Giant, Pillow Talk, All That Heaven Allows, Written on the Wind

    Javi: More like Cock Hudson.

    Ira: I'm not even gonna say, "JAVI." Because DUH.

    Javi: Nobody looks like that showering. He has the look of a guy who'd steal all my girlfriends in high school. Have you seen photos of him with a beard? He looks even better with a beard.

    Ira: 👀

    2. Paul Newman

    Getty Images / Hulton Archive

    Notable Films: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, The Long Hot Summer, The Hustler

    Javi: *makes unintelligible noises*

    Ira: I concur.

    1. Marlon Brando

    Warner Bros.
    Warner Bros.

    Notable Films: A Streetcar Named Desire, On the Waterfront, Guys and Dolls

    Javi: I don't care what sexual orientation you are, if you're not turned on by Marlon Brando you're not breathing.

    Ira: If I was a corpse and Marlon Brando wanted to bang me I would be pulling a George A. Romero so goddamn fast. Marlon Brando* is the prototype for the perfect man.

    *In the 1950s. Ain't nobody talking about Jor-El.

    Addendum: "For a clarification, Javi and I went with the general consensus of the golden age ending in the early 1960s. This left Warren Beatty and Robert Redford off the list — their major roles began in the mid-to-late '60s." — Ira

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