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64 Thoughts I Had Watching The Season 3 Premiere Of "Hannibal"



1. Hannibal's on a motorcycle!

2. This action movie opening will lure in NBC's typical viewers, probably.

3. Oh, shit! Europe!

4. Hannibal is eyeing this dude, we've already got gay subtext it's been five seconds

5. Two dudes are talking about poetry. Is this a porn?

6. This elegant champagne poppin'.

7. "Bonsoir." French has never sound so damn creepy.

8. Hannibal slicing up meat that looks good AF, this show always makes me worry if I'm a cannibal.

9. Hannibal just killing people and eating them in their own houses in Europe, giving no fucks.

10. Damn did he even take long to prepare that meal? Season the meat? White people never marinate their damn food overnight smh.


11. Now we're in black and white?! This show is too damn artsy for network TV.

12. Even Mad Men never hit em with da black and white.

13. Hannibal and Bedelia dancing!

14. This random Italian dude is pressing Hannibal about Dante, like damn, my European holiday wasn't this stressful.

15. Gillian Anderson looks too flawless for WORDS.

16. Unzip that dressssss Hannibal.

17. Bedelia about to roll up the goddamn partition.

18. What's the Italian word for partition?

19. Shit, Bedelia could draw me a bath whenever she wants I'd go straight for her.


20. This damn score makes me think the bathtub is about to swallow Bedelia whole.

21. Half the reason Hannibal is so stressful is because of the music.

22. Ahhhh Bryan Fuller giving you that A Nightmare on Elm Street bathtub scene realness!

23. I love me some Bedelia but where is Will Graham tho.



26. The hell did Bedelia get that gun tho?

27. Bedelia just giving you Double Idemnity meets Bitch Better Have My Money while holding a gun on Hannibal.

28. Bedelia trying to cancel the therapy?! LMAO heffa, with this Dr. Melfi maneuver.

29. "Is Will Graham still alive?" THAT'S A GOOD DAMN QUESTION.

30. Only Hannibal would play with aspect ratio and put a scene in letterbox.


31. Now Bedelia's strolling through the streets of Italy with a black umbrella like a damn witch.

32. Gillian Anderson has to be a witch, actually, she hasn't aged a damn bit since The X-Files.

34. I just came from the sight of this suit Hannibal is wearing

35. Hannibal's boyfriend from France just ran into him… bloop!

36. He's about to have him some escargot, if you know what I mean...

37. That was a bad joke but I couldn't think of another French food beside like, a Croque Madame or something.

38. Back to this black and white business? What's even happening?

39. Is this a sequel to Post-Modern Prometheus now that Gillian is here? Is Duchovny showing up?

40. They're eating snails! My escargot joke was a premonition, it seems.


41. Oh wait, Hannibal actually cooked for Boyfriend from France, he's not killing him.

42. Bedelia ain't eating that damn meat, I feel you girl.

43. Anthony literally thought he was about to have a threesome with Bedelia and Hannibal. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

44. I'm thinking about it now tho.

45. Actually, never mind, threesomes on this show are CREEPY AF.

46. Bedelia is serving you Carmen Sandiego LEWKS with this blue outfit!

47. I see you looking at that security camera tho, Bedelia.


48. Oh shit. Hannibal framed that ass!

49. Waittt this isn't Anthony, this is that crazy ass patient she had before. This is a flashback.

50. The timelines in this episode are making me dizzy.

51. Yoooo was the patient she killed Sylar tho?!

52. ZACHARY QUINTOOO! When do we get him back?


Thanks, Bryan!

53. Girl this Italian DUDE is so pressed about Hannibal and this lecture.

54. Did he just call Hannibal and Anthony gay lovers? LMAO.

55. And now Anthony is all up in Hannibal's grill about this missing writer Hannibal ate in France like he's either looking to get killed, he's a serial killer himself, or really really really wants to bang Hannibal. The last one is the least likely but the most realistic.

56. Bloop. Bedelia is about to escape when Hannibal show up with Anthony.

57. Bedelia probably couldn't escape because she spends too much damn time on her outfits to be somebody who can escape with haste. She looks good tho.

58. Oh well damn, Hannibal clocked Anthony upside the head and got blood on Bedelia's face SMDH.

59. You in this shit now, Bedelia! Better think twice about snitching.

60. Game of Thrones neck snapping. Dayumn.

61. Now Hannibal's riding off on a train pensively, having smeared Italy with blood.

62. Eddie Izzard in black and white eating escargot sounds like a film I was forced to watch at NYU.

63. Hannibal left a little gift in Italy β€” a murder scene tableaux.

64. That oughta lure our favorite detectives back into the open. Awww Hannibal, really just wants some company in Europe from his boyfriend Will Graham.


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