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    Jan 9, 2015

    19 Things All Unfriendly Black Hotties Know To Be True

    You really can't sit with us.

    The only reason Mean Girls was about The Plastics instead of the Unfriendly Black Hotties is because there'd be WAY too much to fit in a movie.

    Paramount Pictures

    1. Some white girl is always coming up to you being all, "Jambo!"

    Girl, they don't speak Swahili in CHICAGO.

    2. Your social calendar is ALWAYS full.

    What becomes of a day-of invite? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?

    3. Yet, people are constantly wondering WHEN you're showing up at their party.


    Damn, if I'm bringing the fun, maybe I should just keep it with me.

    4. You arrive to things on your own time.

    5. People think you're a fun ruiner because you won't abide white people dancing on the 1 and the 3.

    Paramount Pictures

    Pretty sure the song has a beat for a reason. Can we dance on it?

    6. You crop people out of photos because you are constantly feeling your look.

    How else are we supposed to online date without selfies? CAN WE LIVE?

    7. You are constantly deflecting people's attempts to touch you.

    DRUGS not HUGS, bitch.

    8. People interpret your self-confidence as mean and unfriendly, unless you're a white male CEO being interviewed for a magazine profile.

    Sorry for believing in myself but we don't all have an audience to clap for us, Tinkerbell.

    9. People are constantly blowing up your social media.

    I don't need friends, I need followers!

    10. People are constantly pressed for your opinion on the latest music, gossip and pop culture.

    Do I look like I still watch MTV?

    11. People acting like if they touch your hair, they'd be perfectly okay with you reaching into their Herbal Essence of Dead Leaves and Curls.

    20th Century Fox

    Quid pro how about no?

    12. Just because you're a shade master, people assume every word that comes from your mouth is an insult.

    I was trying to be nice for once. Probably.

    13. People constantly refer to Africa like it's one big place, but damn if you fail the European map round of Carmen Sandiego.

    Paramount Pictures

    The fuck I need to know where Budapest is?

    14. When people are like, "why do all you black people hang out in a group together?" And you're like, "Don't white people... also..."

    Isn't "white people hanging out with no black people" literally what the writing of the Constitution was about...

    15. Speaking in your own vernacular is considered "hip" instead of just how you talk.

    On fleek? Can you be "on goodbye?"

    16. You are constantly swiping left on people's humanitarian Tinder accounts.

    We get it, you like black people!

    17. When people whisper in your ear that ALL lives matter, not just black ones, and you're like, do you need a house to fall on you witch?

    Universal Studios

    Ask the Wizard for some business to mind.

    18. You're constantly telling people you're not actually unfriendly, that's just your face.

    Young Money

    Resting Unfriendly Black Hottie Face.

    19. But you know what... maybe you actually are.

    I mean, if unfriendly hottie = bad bitch, then sure.

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